Stay-cation

So the photo is where I'd rather be, in the country. I took this on Saturday. How devolved I am -- with all these years of spiritual practice, you'd think I'd be a little more accepting of the situation with Michael. And how it impacts my life. But I'm not. Still feeling pissy. Which is not to say I don't have wonderful things planned for this week. This morning Lynn came over and we spent about 4 hours working on the PR for our show in December. It is a lot of work! And we're just ramping up.

My sister called with another baby-sitting emergency so I'll watch the Angels later this afternoon. All of which means that all of those things I thought I'd get to this week -- aren't getting done. My, my, I am quite irritable.

Oh well. Narayan always tells us to be with what it, no matter how much we don't like it or wish things were different.

I am finding "The Age of Iron" by JM Coetzee quite compelling. The main character is a older woman from South Africa in the late 1980's who is dying of cancer. Here is an amazing excerpt:

"My true intention is all inward, upon the thing, the word, the word for the thing inching through my body. An ignominious occupation, and in times like these ridiculous too, as a banker with his clothes on fire is a joke while a burning beggar is not. Yet I cannot help myself. 'Look at me!' I want to cry to Florence: 'I too am burning!'

She is referring to the cancer creeping through her body. And the desire to be seen for what is happening to one. Writing this blog is a way to be seen. No one would ever guess that I have cancer unless you saw me naked. It's a weird way to live, looking as if everything is totally fine and cool. Yet you know that you are on fire. With not a minute of time to waste on nonsense. And I'm wasting plenty of time today on nonsense with my irritation over stupid things.