Steady Course

Room 955
Dana Farber Cancer Institute

Glenn and I went to meet The Vixen early yesterday morning. Since the NP Lauren had already given me good test results last Tuesday it wasn't too stressful although there are plenty of examples where a different opinion is given later. But none of that stomach-in-your-throat waiting for the door to open and trying to read her face before she has a chance to utter one word.

(I really liked this painting on the wall. Oil. Lots of texture. I will use this as an inspiration for a future encaustics painting. Waiting around for the doctor to come in you get lots of time to look at whatever is on the walls or boring outdated magazines.)

So no change of course. In fact she seemed kind of passive, asking what I wanted to do in terms of timing the next visits. I suggested continuing on 6 week mini visits (blood work, visit with NP), infusions of Zumeta every 3 months and scans every 6 months). She said, "yea, that sounds OK with me. We can change it up as necessary.)

She said to go see my PCP and ask for a referral to ortho or PT. She thought it might be IT-band syndrome or ... you guessed. Aging! She said that it might be time to roll back on intense physical training. To stay healthy and strong. But not to push so much. When I think back to this bike season, it honestly wasn't that fun. I don't think I got endorphin high at all. We often said to each other, head down. Just keep climbing the next hill. It wasn't fun at all. So why bother, right?! I'm 57 now. Do I need to prove anything anymore? Glenn is like, yea, I'll believe it when I see it. LOL

An unexpected gift/the kindness of strangers

4"x4"x1" encaustic painting

On Monday night I had dinner in Hartford with Jeanne and Lynn. We met back in 2002 when Wendy and I co-led a yoga retreat to Brazil. We spent a week doing yoga and hiking in the Diamantina mountains in the state of Bahia with the larger group, followed by another week on Morro de Sao Paulo, an island off Salvador with no cars. We took a ferry and were transported to our hotel via donkeys with huge baskets for the luggage. A very memorable way to meet.

Anyway, at the end of dinner, Lynn pulled something out of her bag and said she had a gift for me. She went on to say that the gift was  actually from her daughter. She said her daughter has heard about me over the years and wanted to send me a gift. I opened a little bag an found a gold necklace with individual charms, each which represents a healing/spiritual quality. I have been wearing it ever since. I don't know gemstones very well but I think it has an aquamarine which represents tranquility, courage and peace. A piece of quartz? and a sun charm which represents vitality and leadership and Lakshmi which represents prosperity an abundance. I was stunned by her generosity and thoughtfulness

I've never met Chantal. But I asked Lynn for her address and will mail her one of my paintings.

Like Emmylou Harris sings, "the wheels of love go round and around."

All clear!

Horace Mann School
Bethlehem, Connecticut

All clear! I was biking to work this morning and got the first call from the NP Lauren while en route that the bone scan was clear (old tumors still showing up but nothing new which is considered "stable"). The CT scans were still pending. An hour or so later she called (yes, I picked up my phone in the middle of a therapy session) to say the CT scan was also clear. With no follow-up needed other than meeting with The Vixen on Monday as previously scheduled. I almost cried in front of my patient. I could not believe it was all OK.

I had a very hard weekend. Waiting, waiting, waiting. I had CT and bone scans on Friday. I'd been worried for over 3 months about pain in my left hip, pelvis and thigh that got so bad a few weeks ago that I contacted The Vixen and asked for early scans. 3 months sooner than planned. I kept my phone on constantly over the weekend in case I got a call with results. No call. I was pretty much freaking out but also told myself that if there was a serious problem, she would have called already.

So although I have no answers about what was causing the pain, I don't even care at this point. It's not cancer. Good enough for me. I'm going to dial back on physical activity. Somewhat. I hiked a bit over the weekend but no more than 1 or 1.5 hours. I was focusing my yoga practice on my sacrum, IT band, etc. Trying to figure out how to work with it.

The pain was at it's worst 10 days ago. In the morning, I could not stand straight on my left leg. It felt like it was buckling as I walked to the bathroom in the morning. I could not turn over in bed. The pain kept me up often at night. As I sat on the toilet my hip seized up. Burning pain down the inner left groin. I could not easily pick up Sasha's dog food bowl from the floor without manipulating my position. But only in the morning. After I was up and walking around an hour or so, it subsided. And after yoga, I felt pretty comfortable.

Dramatic, right? So weird and totally scary. I thought that I had another tumor on the left sacrum, wreaking havoc. But no. No cancer. The sensations are decreasing with each passing day. I'm attributing all this to extreme hill training on the bikes, culminating in our century ride. Glenn is double relieved (no cancer) as I'm telling him I won't do another century ride next season. He'd be totally OK with that!

Email to The Vix

Tidal pool, low tide
Acadia National Park

Here is the email I sent to The Vixen yesterday:

Hi~
I'd like to talk with you.
My left hip and thigh are bothering me intermittently.

We trained for a century ride all season which we did September 8.
The following week we were on vacation and did a LOT of exercise every day (hiking, biking, golf).

A few weeks before my last scan (early July) I started having trouble rolling over in bed. My left hip felt uncomfortable as I turned over. No other symptom at that time. Everything was fine on the scan.

I saw Lauren about 5 weeks ago and told her that my left hip continued to feel weird as I rolled over in bed. No other symptoms.

Over the weekend things got much worse. Friday morning I had a lot of pain and stiffness in the morning but it was fine after an hour or so. Same thing Saturday but it was more painful. Difficult to bear weight, difficult to straighten left hip fully. But all pain and stiffness resolved after about an hour. Sunday was OK, yesterday was OK. this morning my hip was a bit worse but again felt good after I did yoga.

I'm worried. Hopefully its inflammation or bursitis or something like that. I'd like to talk.
Maybe get scanned again. this does not feel like an emergency. I continue riding bike to work and practice yoga every day. Otherwise I feel perfectly well.

I'll be at work today 9am-7pm but can take a call anytime.

Upshot: I will get scans on Friday. 3 months earlier than scheduled. I'm frightened. Hopefully it's something else, not cancer. Scary.