It's been 15 years?!

Today is my 15th anniversary. On August 25, 2008, I was in my office with a few other social workers at the clinic where I worked at the time. My cell phone rang, my PCP's name popped up. And like that, my life took a major turn. I had had a biopsy, and it was positive. (Why that language? Shouldn't it be that good news is positive?) I burst into tears. Gathered myself, and went on with the day. I had dinner with Robin last night and was recounting those first few months. People often say, how do you live with it? How does the worry not consume you? I think it's a weird silver lining of having such a traumatic childhood. I learned to compartmentalize at a young age. I remember in graduate school, one of my professors said - "denial is under-rated". I have somehow had this capacity to do absolutely everything my medical team suggests. I have never missed an appointment, refused a procedure or even missed a medicaion dose (thank you I-Phone for the alarm feature). Mostly I just feel grateful that 1) I'm alive and 2) barely impacted by cancer. I am on oral chemotherapy - twice a day for 2 weeks, then 1 week off. My insurance pays for it and my old hospital job has great benefits so it's delivered free-of-charge to my house. During the first two years of the pandemic it was delivered to Connecticut. Free-of-charge. My life is different now. I left my hospital job after 23 years in 2021 and have a satisfying private practice. I've been with Glenn almost 10 years. My creative energy is going more into playing bluegrass guitar than making art, but I still enjoy studio time and continue to work in encaustic. I'm not doing distance road biking anymore, but have taken up golf and paddleboarding. We also just bought a 14 foot sailboat. In the winter it's snow shoes and back country skis. Sasha my beloved Englih lab is 13 and going pretty strong. She's really old for her breed. And Acadia is 3.5 now. Aunt Marty is 94 and still lives on her own and is quite vital. She walks every day and plays croquet. she continues to inspire me. The family is growing. My brother has 6 grand kids with 4 more on the way. As Joe Walsh sang, "life's been good to me so far". I took the photo this morning as I walked along the Muddy River and enjoyed the artwork by Studios Without Walls. With Acadia. In the pouring rain.

Narrowing of Neuroframinal

The MRI result: narrowing of neuroframinal. How do you spell that? So the MRI showed mild/moderate narrowing of the bone where the nerve exits my lumbar spine. Both sides although I only have symptoms on my right side. It's kind of like stenosis but it's specific to this area. In a strange way it's good to have an explanation. But when I got the call, I felt like all the life force drained out of me. Please not another thing! It was a quick call as I was between sessions. She said the cancer is NOT active but it's the result of cancer/scar tissue. The scary thing she said was - if you lose control of your bladder or stoll - call us. Or if you can't bear weight - call us. God! As if I wouldn't. It's been a few days now and I have tucked it away. I feel my right foot numb in spots with each step. But I continue to hike in the woods with the dogs and figure that if I'm not tripping/stumbing/falling, I'm OK. For whatever reasons, I never really practiced yoga consistently after the hip flexor tendonitis in fall of 2018. I read online that yoga can be helpful so I'm starting up again. It certainly can't hurt! On other fronts - on Monday I install my show "Dabbling in Blue Magic" at Galatea Fine Arts in Boston. I have made a whole series of encausic monoprints - 40 in all. Although 16 of them are tiny - just 4" square. I learned this technique in early spring and made all this work since then. I'm really happy with the work. I've never before created a consistent body of work for a specific show. A friend invited me to apply for membership to a gallery in Chelsea/NYC. You can apply individually, as a twosome or even a larger group. 3 of us will apply together - the others also work in wax. Wouldn't that be something? To be accepted into that gallery. Work is going really well. I have been trying to rebuild my in person practice and finally after many months - have enough people to fill on day a week. Working from home/telehealth has its advantages but I really prefer in person. The other new thing is I've started to play banjo. I love the sound and a few weeks ago bought a Recording King which is a profesional level instrument. I've taken a few lessons and am crazy about it!

Chatham

I try to visit my aunt more regularly these days. She's 93! I spent 2 nights with her this week. The Cape off season is so delightul. This image is from Lighthouse Beach in Chatham. I had my quarterly consult with the oncology NP on Monday. Everything is fine! I told her about a developing concern - my right foot has some numbness. She does not suspect it's cancer, but I'll get an MRI tomorrow to see if there's a nerve impingement in my pelvis. May be related to the fall on skis last Januaruy. I can't recall when this started but it's intermittent and feels different at different times. So far I have not fallen, but it's much more difficult to balance on that foot. Lots of people have numbness/neuropathy for lots of different reasons. It hasn't caused me any real trouble - I can play tennis, hike, paddle board. But I want to understand (if possible) what's happening and to avoid damage if that's the case. My latest thing is buying a really good banjo a few weeks ago. I was at a bluegrass festival in August and walking through the camping area, I heard the most beautiful slow banjo picking. I thought - I want to do that! So I met a stranger at a Panera Bread off Route 84 in Connecticut, handed over $1300 in cash and went home with a Recording King 5 string. And have not regretted it! Although its hard to make time for 2 instruments. I'd say it's an excellent problem to have.

Acadia National Park

Hello from Acadia National Park! This is our 7th annual visit. We found a little rustic cottage in Tremont and stay here every year. They allow dogs and we love the quirky funk of this place. August 25 was my 14th year "anniversary" of cancer diagnosis. Way back in 2008. Strangely enough, Glenn had a dermatology consult that same day and was told he has a basal cell carcinoma on his forearm. He has to go back to have it incised once we get back. They will tak a large area of skin. Hopefully it's limited to that level of treatment and no more spots. Most people our age spent a lot of time in the sun and I recall using products to promote tanning. We packed the truck full of toys - paddle boards, golf clubs, bikes, tennis raquests. Such a treat to be here and able to enjou it all. No other big updates at this time. My hope for work is that I will fill my in person schedule on Tuesdays. Getting there! It's interesting that most people actually prefer telehealth. Until March 2020 I could not imagine any model other than in person. Looks like telehealth is here to stay.

DAMN SKIS!

It was 2 sleepless nights. We met with The Vixen this morning. In the photo I was waiting for blood to be drawn, holding a barf bag as I felt so anxious. But all that stress was for naught - The Vixen's take is that the light up on the bone scan is atrrubutable to the fall on skis last January. I will be seen in 3 months as usual and scans in 6 months as usual. She says we stat the course and don't fix it if it isn't broken. We celebrated with an early lunch, a local diner that serves Albanian food. With a big fully belly I went to bed for a few hours as the accumulaed stress began to abate. No more skis! No more long boards! And no more reading reports before I speak with her. Although reading the report did jog my memory about those 2 falls. I had forgotten.

Pathological fracture?

I had scans last Friday July 8. And my consult isn't until Monday July 18. In the meantime the CT and bone scan reports are available online. So... I read them. And although everything is the same as 6 months ago - lesions on sternum, femur, pelvis, a few nodules in my lungs... no changes. OTHER than mention of an area on my iliac that may indicate a pathological fracture. I totally freaked out. I've never had that show up before. And it's BAD if that starts to happen. The bones stat to break which leads to a lot of pain and total deterioration of my skeletal system. Wheelchair, etc. Terrifing. That night we had cocktail(s). I cried. Felt so fragile yesterday. But as we took a hike last night over some exposed tree roots we were talking about the importance of balance and avoiding falls as we age. It popped into my head - WAIT - I had 2 really bad falls on skis in late January. Which was afer my scans on January 10. Voila! Could this be causing the iliac to light up? Maybe it's not a pathological frature? Just a bone that's healing from those falls? I emailed The Vixen last night to tell her about those falls. We're waiting anxiously for Monday. I would like to feel like I could ask for sooner consult but The Vixen can be tricky. I don't want to be told that I'm anxious (ha ha). C'mon - most of us would be anxious if your pathology report suggests a pathological fracture. So I will wait.... and the reality is that there's probably nothing to do except radiation if there's too much pain. I have no pain whatsoever. Or go to infused chemo... but I don't think we're there yet. I know that bone failyre/pathological fractures are a strong possibility. Kind of enivitable with this kind of cancer. Just not yet, please!

Paddle board

I'm happy to report that the blood pressure medication is working! I resigned myself to taking yet another daily medicaiton. During oral chemo weeks, it's up to 7 pills of various things. So strange in the sense that I still identify as a healthy person. I have yet to test positive for Covid - although I ony test when I have to, ie get invited to a get-together and the host(ess) asks for it. For whatever reason, I just continue on. I sometimes wonder if the extensive trauma we endured as kids kind of helps me in a weird way - the ability to compartmentalize. I get scans on Friday with results 10 days later. Scheduling blip? Who knows. My 14 year anniversary since diagnosis is August 25. I am astounded that I have done so well for so long. Really inexplicable since I don't do anything "healthy" other than exercise and have fun. And I'm not a huge exerciser, either. Daily hike with the dogs if I'm in Connecticut. Walking 9 holes of golf once a week or so. Paddle boarding in the summer. And I do lots of "bad" things - I love cocktails. And eat everything. Speaking of fun, here's Glenn fooling around on the paddleboard doing a "headstand". He has not taken yoga classes other than occasionally doing it with me, but we were with another couple on the boat yesterday and Shiweh is a yogi. In the meantime, 2 good friends have been diagnosed with cancer. One has stage 4 lymphoma and the other breast cancer with genetic mutation. She has surgery scheduled w the rest unknown at this point. A friend of a friend just got diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer. The state of the world - ugh. Roe vs. Wade. Ukraine. Weather. It's hard to stay in a good place.