Uncle Jay

Captain Aunt Marty
Age 91

Uncle Jay died on May 30, his 91st birthday. I attempted to write about this but could not find the words. He was a complicated man. For me, for a lot of us in the family. He was a bully, physically abusive and controlled us with money. You never wanted to be summoned to his office.  A few years ago we made a pact that no one goes to his office alone.  To outsiders, he was charming, energetic, athletic, successful, extremely generous. Inside the family it was a different story. He was top of the list for people who caused me pain. Aren't we supposed to speak kindly of the dead? That explains why I felt so blocked to mention his death at all.

Aunt Marty is having a memorial for him in a few weeks and we are all invited to speak. I will have to write a script and stay on it. My cousin Lee wrote his obituary and described him as "a great man". I will not be able to top that claim. Aunt Marty says she wants closure. It will be mostly just family with a few old family friends. A backyard tent. A bunch of us will stay in the house. Glenn and I have staked out the boat house.

His death was expected. He'd been in a nursing home since February and he was clearly failing. And yet. It was a shock. He was a huge (negative) force. To the very end he was physically intimidating. His body began shutting down, they called my aunt and she was with him when he died. 69 years of marriage. And she's quick to point out that they knew each other 1.5 years before they married in May 1951.

Aunty Marty is thriving. We do a zoom call every Friday night w my brothers and sister and the crew. She is lively, engaged, interested in everything We went to see her 10 days ago and she proposed that we go out in the big boat. She as captain! It was foggy, blustery, cold on the water. And she was loving it. When we came back to the dock I was tasked to tie us on. And I could not catch it in time. Glenn made another pass, and Aunt Marty caught the cleat and tied the boat with such agility. She's amazing. I'm glad we have more time with her. She is a blessing.

I spoke with The Vixen last week. All good! I will get scans in 6 weeks. If all is looking good/better, I will go back to 6 months scans. I am feeling mostly well, this cycle I felt more fatigue and nausea but I'll take it!

Special prayers for Lynn today as she goes in for lung surgery to remove a cancerous mass.