Thunder

Here is a picture that Lucy took of me and Thunder. This is at the end of the ride yesterday.

Today The Vixen called to tell me that she wants me to see an endocrinologist. She hypothesizes that I may have a problem with my para-thyroid as the medication I take doesn't seem to control the slightly elevated calcium levels. She said, "as we already know, you have cancer in your bones". I said, "I do?". Which led to more clarification, i.e. her needing to say to me yet again that I have a chronic condition and that I am NOT in remission. I will never be in remission. I have a 95% chance that the cancer will show up in my bones in the next 5 years. For whatever reasons, I totally freaked out. She has been extremely consistent in her messaging so the problem is the listener (me), not her. As Mark said, this is not anything new. In fact I had very good news last week with the scans all clear. We've known all this for months. But for some reason I heard it differently today. I spent a few hours thinking -- should I re-think my life if I probably will not live beyond 5 years?

This happens now and then -- I get upset and my mind goes to negative scenarios and all that. By now I have calmed down again. Which is not to say that this is a closed topic. Especially being on vacation out here in high summer -- could I have more of this in my daily life?

As Lucy said, we should all question our lives now and then and ask ourselves, "am I living the life I want?". I'm wondering -- do I want to continue to work full-time? Are there some changes I can make that would improve the quality of my life?

It's been a thoughtful day.

Tonight we had dinner at our neighbor's Karen and Sayword. The live in a really old house, about 220 years old. They are excellent gardeners and have helped guide us in how we approach our gardens. On their recommendation we put down straw to help with weeds and water retention. They also lent us a book about companion plants as a natural way to avoid pests. They are lovely and we love to spend time with them.

Moving into the heart

We forgot the wire to transfer images from the camera to the computer. This is a picture taken of my dad when I was about 10. This is the last of the images that my brother John sent a few weeks ago. I have been taking lots of pictures so will put them up next week.

I had an interesting experience in meditation this morning. I remember saying to Chris last week, the Buddhist chaplain at The Dana Farber, that I've been at a plateau these last few months. None of those amazing states of last fall when I felt madly in love with the world, experiencing waves of bliss and wonder that went on for weeks. So this morning I was sending metta to Nasreen, this week's "neutral" person. I noted that I felt a lot of energy in my head, that my mind was focused and trying hard, but wondered if I could shift the energy to my heart to feel more. Voila. Just like that, I began to experience the metta in a completely new way. I've felt a softening of the heart in the past, especially towards Narayan and others "good friends", but for the first time today I was never able to seemingly shift it at will towards a feeling of compassion. The distinction is between thinking and feeling. It was really cool. It was like I touched the practice in a really new way today. Interesting.

Today was another wonderful day. Lucy came over and we went horseback riding with Kayleen. The weather has been really rainy these last weeks, but we lucked out today and got an afternoon which was warm and sunny. We rode for about 3 hours, mostly on trails in the woods but also on dirt roads. At one point we were riding on a dirt road along a brook, and I felt like I had been transported to a magical place. Everything was so beautiful and perfect. I noted that to Lucy, and she felt the same thing. The horses were mostly well-behaved, although the horse I was riding, Thunder, got upset by a motorcycle, and reared up. Not all the way, but enough to really scare me. I held my seat, fortunately. But it was totally fun and we hope to do it again soon.

Nasreen

Today has been what I would consider a perfect day. During a typical work week I am up at 6am, "greeted" by an annoying alarm clock tone. On vacation, I like to wake up when I feel rested. Don't we all? After Mark's wonderful coffee, I did meditation practice, then yoga. I am still working with a very different body than I had a year ago. The Vixen said , "we've aged you", going through these surgeries and treatments. I continue to practice but am limited by both right hip and now right chest/shoulder.

This week I am working with the category of "neutral" person in my meditation. I am sending metta to a woman who works at a grocery store that I frequent. Her name is Nasreen. The "neutral" person is an interesting concept. How many people do we really feel neutral towards? I actually like this person, but we have no relationship outside of clerk/customer. My concentration grows as I continue to practice over these months. By the end of the week, I really will feel quite loving towards her. The idea is that you train yourself to feel compassion towards all beings by working with people who have no personal relationship with you. Such an interesting practice.

I worked in my studio before lunch, then we met our neighbor Bill and took a long vigorous walk, about 5 miles. It is rugged here so a real work-out, going up and down the steep hills. After that we visited another neighbor who raises grass-fed lamb. We bought a half-lamb. So much for vegetarianism. I feel so conflicted about it. I'm just not able to get the recommended amount of protein I need (due to cancer) without supplementing. I'm not supposed to eat tofu, either, so that leaves little choice other than beans, beans, beans and dairy. Becky, the farmer, says that they are moving towards organic but it's too expensive. The organic feed costs 3x regular.

Later in the day we worked in the gardens, Mark practiced zen archery in our woods.

Tonight I will spend more time in the studio. Tomorrow Lucy and I will ride horses at our neighbor's place.

This image is of my dad with the 4 of us kids. I was about 12 when it was taken. That's me on the right in the bikini.
We happy here.

A Death

Yesterday after work I went to a friend's house. Her father had died the day before, very unexpectedly, just having been diagnosed with lung cancer. His cancer moved extremely quickly; he began to feel concerned about his health around Mother's Day. The extended family was gathered together after the burial earlier in the afternoon. I am very close to this clan and consider them my second American family. (I make the distinction as I also have a second Brazilian family.) I was with them at Passover, just a few short months ago. I remember sitting across the table from him, discussing my cancer.

What made the biggest impression on me is how this family is there for each other, no matter what. They celebrate everything, all the major holidays, the religious holidays. Including funerals. I felt really honored to be there, part of this loving extended family which has welcomed me into their ranks many years ago.

It made me reflect on my own father's death. He died when I was 14 in a motorcycle accident. My brother send a bunch of images recently, so today I will post one of my father, probably taken before my parents married. I miss him to this day and am sure that my friend will feel the loss of her father for the rest of her life as well. In Buddhist circles, they say that when you feel compassion, your heart quivers. I am quivering for my friend and the entire clan.

It wakes you right up -- the preciousness of each day. I continue to send love to this family in their dark hour.

"Was there ever a time when you felt suddenly alive? It was like the doors of the world opened for a minute and you could see directly into life. You were able to touch life directly and were not lost in your fears and worries. This experience may not have been during a big event like performing in a play or playing in a championship game; it may have been while walking in the woods or talking to a friend. All of a sudden you felt alive, awake. This quality of waking up, or penetrating into life, we could call mindfulness. Mindfulness simply means being aware, being present. When you are breathing and know that you are breathing, that is mindfulness of breathing."

–Soren Gordhamer, from Just Say Om!

Shayna's First Email

"This is my garden we are going to have fun tonight I love you."

My sister sent me this email this morning. It is the first that Shayna ever wrote. She did it on her own. Unfortunately I am unable to copy the graphic that she chose. She is spending the night and we had a wonderful evening. Mark was home early so we were able to go out together, the 3 of us. We took a long walk to a creperie, followed by a long visit to a park, then ice cream. We ran into lots of people we know. Even Shayna met up with a boy from her class. I want to get as much time with them as possible as they are leaving tomorrow for the summer - but will still be relatively close by.

I slept like a rock last night. I didn't realize how anxious I was as yesterday got closer and closer. I felt drained last night, and so relieved when I woke up today. It was a really difficult day to get through. But with the help of Lucy and Mark, it was totally bearable. In the morning I felt like a zombie, kind of dissociated. It was great to have Lucy there every moment to literally guide me from suite to suite, following the complex matrix of preparations and tests.

Tomorrow Mark and I start a week of vacation together in the country. We are both very much looking forward to being together and enjoying a quiet week.

Here is the last of Lucy's most recent images. Beautiful!

The Vixen says, "your scans are great!"

Lucy and I were at the hospital all day from 8am until 5pm, other than having lunch at the Museum of Fine Arts. A real marathon. Mark joined us at 2pm for the consultation with The Vixen. She opened the door and said, "your scans are great". Then she said "hello". She knew that we were on pins and needles, waiting for her pronouncement. What a relief.

I have now had 2 good scans (February and this set today) with no evidence of new problems, so I feel that now I am able to move on in a different way. I feel that I can really begin to plan again. The Vixen told me that I will be on medication the rest of my life which somehow I hadn't anticipated. Fortunately my body is adjusting to the hormone starvation so I sleep well with fewer hot flashes at night and during the day. She is such a boon -- and to think that I was "randomly" assigned to her care.

So the plan will continue as is: monthly visits to see either The Vixen or the NP. On that visit I will continue to get an infusion of Zometa and a shot of Lupron. Daily pill of Tamoxifen. I'll get scanned every 3-4 months and less often as time goes on.

At the end of the day, the Buddhist Chaplain Chris met with the 3 of us and we had a good discussion about Buddhism and practice. It was a lovely way to finish up our visit. How many places in the world have a Buddhist Chaplain on site? He encouraged me to do the week-long silent retreat in August that I am considering.

To celebrate, Mark and I will go to our favorite sushi place in the neighborhood. After my meditation and yoga practice. Metta practice will feel so apt tonight.

Today's image is from the nuclear medicine department. It states that My body may still have small amounts of radiation capable of being detected by radiation monitoring equipment. I am to carry it around for the next 3 days in case I find myself going through airport security or some such thing.

Date Night

What does one do the night before a big round of tests? The best distraction and entertainment is pint-sized. And I don't mean beer! Tonight Luke, the 5 year old angel, had another turn at Aunty's. They will be away most of the summer which makes me yearn for them already. Fortunately they will be just a few hours away so I will still get to see them. But it's not the same as having them 10 minutes across town. They are all so lovely. He brings me gifts sometimes - tonight he brought an almost-empty bottle of shampoo because he thought I would like the smell. So cute.

We went to a deli which he thought was wonderful. We learned about double-dipping your french fries in the ketchup. We learned about paying your bill. We left and when we were halfway home, I remembered that I hadn't paid. He was most impressed that we went back to settle up. The simple, wonderful moments with a 5 year old.

He is getting to be a good chess player and laughs when I offer suggestions as he plays against Mark. He says, "auntie, you are a better painter than a chess player".

Lucy will arrive early in the morning, and we'll walk over to the Dana Farber for a day of testing. We need to arrive at 8am and will finish around 4pm. It's a marathon day. My motto is "prepare for the worst, hope for the best". I am prepared for anything. Mark will join us for the actual consultation. By the time we see The Vixen at 2:30, the results will be available. Deep breath.
image by Lucy

Away We Go

Marcia and I went to see a wonderful little gem of a film tonight, "Away We Go". Neither of had read a review or heard anything about it. I like to see films in that way -- without any preconceived notions. We chose what was best in terms of screening time. We both really liked it. There were segments towards the beginning that made me laugh out loud -- many times. Parts were serious, parts were sweet. It was well-acted and engrossing.

Here's a blurb:

"Maya Rudolph and John Krasinski star as a couple who are expecting their first child and travel around the U.S. in order to find a perfect place to start their family. Along the way, they have misadventures and find fresh connections with an assortment of relatives and old friends who just might help them discover "home" on their own terms for the first time. Directed by acclaimed filmmaker Sam Mendes (American Beauty, Revolutionary Road) from a screenplay writers Dave Eggers (A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, McSweeney's) and Vendela Vida.

North Adams

We have had a lovely weekend. We finished planting the garden, went for a long walk yesterday. As surprising as it seems, I think that we have more social contacts in the country than we do in the city. Yesterday we bought more organic heirloom tomatoes from Tom; then we visited Deborah. She had lent me "After the Laundry, the Ecstasy". Now she has lent me one of his earlier books. (His titles all sound the same, they all mention the heart and the path.) After that we went to the organic dairy and chatted with the patriarch, Warren. After thinking about the way that food is raised from reading Michael Pollan, I had lots of questions for him yesterday.

Last night we met Karma and her friend for dinner at a local place. Karma had just finished writing her book yesterday so that was something special to celebrate. More on that once I get explicit permission.

Today I drove west and picked up Lucy. We went together to deliver paintings to the gallery in North Adams. It is a seasonal gallery in it's 2nd year. They are carrying 35 artists. I hope to make it to some of their openings this summer, but that will be difficult as they are on weeknights.

I gave away the last of the jewelry from Brazil when I met Karen and Sayward on our dirt road. It was so good to see them after their months-long sabbatical. The left me with the job of growing the calendula for them this season which they make into healing salve. I'm pretty sure it came up -- I'd hate to fail them!

Wednesday is scan day and I can feel my anxiety building. Hopefully everything will be clean, so that Mark and I can enjoy a week of vacation together the following week out here in the hills.
image: Lucy

Sunrise over the ridge

We drove out last night, rather late. I was able to work in the studio a little. It is almost Summer Solstice. We got here too late to see the gardens in natural light, but we ran around like a couple of kids with a flashlight to see what's growing and what's ready to harvest.

One of my biggest pleasures in life is to drink coffee in bed, looking out over the ridge to the east as the sun rises. It has been really rainy here so everything is lush and overgrown. As I sat in meditation this morning, the bird calls were so loud! It's very quiet here, on the end of a dirt road.

Another thing I love to do here is go to the dairy farm for raw milk. I spoke to Angie this morning, and she said that they are not technically organic but really close. The cows are grass-fed (Michael Pollan would approve) and they also eat corn silage that the farmers grow themselves. Another star. The only inorganic practice is that they supplement with grain that is not organic. But it's close enough for me. I love driving over there and handing them my $5. You feel the money is going to the right place. I also want to look into grass-fed lamb that the farmers offer here. While I prefer to remain vegetarian, it's really hard to get enough protein as recommended by the Dana Farber nutritionist. So supporting local farmers with grass-fed meat seems like a good compromise. I don't really like to eat meat for many reasons, but for a health situation it seems fine.

image by Lucy

That Very Tree - again

Lucy sent along an image of the painting I mentioned yesterday. My work is so different these days, but I think you can still see the similarities in the colors. I remember painting that piece in mid-summer with the day lilies in full splendor.

This morning I accompanied Mark to a routine screening medical appointment. It was nice to not be the patient for a change. In the afternoon I gallery sat in East Boston. Tonight we are heading out west for the weekend.

I'm reading a fabulous book, "The Omnivore's Dilemma" by Michael Pollan. I read his earlier book "The Botany of Desire" which was most excellent as well. This book makes me want to relocate permanently to the country and become an organic farmer. It is that inspiring, as well as that scary in the way he depicts commercial agriculture. But then again I also had the desire today to become a full-time artist. I stopped to chat with various artists in the building today, and felt envy towards one friend who has quit working to paint full-time. I loved being in his space, surrounded by works in storage as well as works in progress.

That very tree

Here is another image from Lucy, taken last weekend. One of my earliest paintings was inspired by that very tree. I did that painting around 1994. It's a tiny piece and hangs in Lucy's weekend house.

I'm fully back at work. I sat in my chair for about 10 hours straight today and am not making much of a dent in the work pile. I wasn't paying much attention to the dates. I was away 2 weeks, will work 2 weeks, then am taking off another week with Mark. So my schedule is very tight without time to see all those individuals I see on a weekly basis. Today got a little wild and stressful.

Tonight I went to a monthly party event in East Boston at Atlantic Works, a cooperative gallery where I am a member. I will be in the July show. It's called "With A Little Help From My Friends". Each AW member can invite an artist friend. There will be about 30 people showing altogether. I invited Valerie Spain whose work I really admire. The opening will be in early July.

Fiddlehead

Tonight I had dinner with Marysia and her family. I delivered this painting to her, "Fiddlehead". It's a piece I did in 2003. She has been wanting it all these years, and it truly belongs in her kitchen! It fits perfectly in the space and the wall color is excellent. Her son is in college. As I left he said, "thanks for the painting, it's 'rad'". That made me laugh. I guess he likes it, too! It was pleasant and cool, so we were able to eat outside. Marysia knows quite a bit about stones so we had fun discussing the pieces I brought back from Brazil and her stones as well.

My energy felt good today so I was able to commute to work on my bike. I am re-adjusting to "real" life again.
image: "Fiddlehead", painting by Lola

Teaching again?

Shayna was a wonderful guest. When I'm with the angels, sometimes I feel I've really missed out by not having had kids of my own. She woke up early, bright-eyed and loving, about the time I usually do my practice. I said to her that I would skip my usual morning routine so we could be together. That made her feel really special, and she told her mom about it later. Rather than meditating and unfurling my limbs, we played chess. It was a lovely morning. I was able to practice this evening and well worth it to bring joy to a 7 year old by giving my undivided attention.

I've been in touch with my friend Carol who coordinates the education classes which includes prenatal yoga. I would like to start teaching again in the fall, assuming that all goes well next week. I taught prenatal yoga for 7 years straight, and regular yoga classes since 1995. I remember saying to Mark frequently, that teaching prenatal was something that I really loved doing. I remember even when I was tired from a full day of work that I'd feel energized as soon as I arrived at the class. So if all goes well, I will teach a 6 week course starting in September, then a long course until mid-December. It feels like a way that I can contribute to the greater good in my own small way. I hope it works out.

Tonight I experienced a lovely moment with my neighbor. She had driven me several times to radiation last winter. This evening she came up the driveway with 3 perfect pink peonies in her hand. She handed them to me as a gift, the last of the season. It was a beautiful moment, a beautiful gesture.

image by Lucy: her peony border

Back at Work

Today it was back to work. It was less difficult than I imagined. It is usually very busy just before vacation, and very busy once I get back, but today still felt completely manageable. The hospital is re-structuring lots of departments so it is a little unsettling to the entire staff. In supervision we were discussing how to manage our own angst about our job security so that we can continue to provide high-quality service to our patients.

Tonight I have an overnight guest, the oldest angel. In a few weeks they will be away for the rest of the summer, so I want to spend as much time with them as I possibly can. I love being with them as a group -- it's chaotic and dynamic. I also love being with them one at a time. We did nothing special, but it felt very special to me. And to Shayna, I think, as well. I had asked what she would like for a special dinner, and she said tofu with yellow Thai curry sauce. Broccoli. Swiss chard. We played checkers, ate ice cream on the couch. As I write this I can hear her singing, composing little songs. These kids mean the world to me. I tell my sister frequently how grateful I am that she chose to have them. I was looking forward to this evening all day.

Next week I get the quarterly scans, on Wednesday. It should be every 3 months but The Vixen gave me dispensation for a 4 month interval. Last time was in late February. Kind of like getting a little "get out of jail free" card for doing the last round of radiation. Lucy will go with me for the full day of tests, Mark will join us for the consultation with The Vixen. The Vixen tells me that some patients want to get scanned all the time. I feel the opposite. I'd rather not know if there is something wrong. My sister sometimes asks what I intuitively feel. I really don't know anymore.
image by Lucy: peony perfection

First Harvest

I come from a long line of gardeners, so the first harvest of the season has always been something celebrated. Today I was able to pick spinach and radishes for lunch. I remember when I was in college, my granddad would write frequently. (Don't you miss those days when hand-written letters arrived in the mail?) His most frequent comments were about the Bible/God, or his garden. He would write extensively about what was in season and what they were eating. It appears that the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree. When we met in person, he would always ask me about my relationship to God. At that time I was a hard-core party-girl, so his inquiries fell on deaf ears. How I wish I could speak to him now!

I've had a few hard days. My radiation nurse warned me that there is almost usually an adjustment when you finish treatment. It happened last time, after my first round of radiation, so I had a sense of what she was talking about. Yesterday in particular I felt very down. Being away for a few weeks, you can see clearly that life goes on without you. Mark had made a few changes in the house (good things -- he has excellent taste), the angels were a little bigger and had new stories to tell. The gardens had transformed. So if things change (which they do all the time) in just 2 weeks, I began to "go there" -- how things will continue on (very well) without me. My body also feels not quite right -- mostly in terms of energy. "Back in the day" -- before cancer, I was the energizer bunny. The film "Spinal Tap" had a scene in which the band wanted the sound turned up to 11, knowing that the maximum volume was 10. All my life I have lived at 11+. So it's weird to want and need a nap more frequently. Also when I look in the mirror, I look different. Not the usual vibrant self that usually peers back. And my hip has been bothering me again, since the Avon Walk. I hope it was just over-use and not the return of another problem. Overall I don't feel as strong physically as I had been.

For the first time yesterday I slipped into what might be called nihilism. Mark and I were sitting together on the front porch in the sun, and I had no interest or energy in doing anything. I thought -- if I weed the garden, they will only grow back. If I plant seeds, they will need to be re-planted next year, and I might not be here. I could go up to the studio, work on some new pieces, but who cares. How have I spent my life to date? What is my legacy? I felt like a speck of dust, totally insignificant. Mark was wonderful, very supportive, so eventually I got up and worked very happily in the perennial border, we went for a long walk together, I spent the evening in the studio.

Even though it sounds really scary what I wrote above, I am still OK with all these fluctuations of thoughts and feelings. I attribute being able to stay centered in the midst of emotional storms to my practices. Even though I felt very bad, a part of me still stayed connected with Grace. I knew and know I'll be OK, no matter what.

Image by Lucy

Peonies

Yesterday I went to a conference, thinking it would be a good way to ease back into work and regular life. That was kind of a mistake as I was so sleepy and totally disinterested in the topic. The material was completely relevant to what I do -- integrating behavioral and mental health into primary medical care -- yet I found it impossible to pay attention. I had a reprieve as Laureen lives close by and we had lunch together at her house. That was really nice.

Last night we drove out to the country. We always race out here so we can see the gardens in the twilight. I haven't been here since Memorial Day weekend, so it was particularly fun to see what's happened. We have spinach to pick for supper. The perennial borders are fantastic. Today's image is from Lucy's garden. She is an master gardener with extensive beds of everything that grows in New England.

Being away gave a wonderful reprieve from my health concerns. The subject didn't come up much in Brazil so I kind of "forgot" about everything. Mark says he had the same experience. He had no evidence in the house of my prosthetic, bandages, or the daily checking of my burns. However, now that I'm back, it is again present, living with cancer. Last night at dinner I said, "do I have cancer or did I have cancer?". We both then agreed that I HAVE metastatic breast cancer. It must sound kind of crazy -- but there is a certain back and forth, acknowledging at times and others not, what is true. Sobering.

image by Lucy

Lar Doce Lar

Home Sweet Home. In Portuguese, Lar Doce Lar. This afternoon I gave my sister a wonderful piece of folk art I bought from Oficina de Agosto. The title is Lar Doce Lar. Here is the web site.

www.oficinadeagosto.com.br

I love returning from a vacation, opening the suitcase, and sharing whatever someone else may enjoy. The Angels were happy with their gifts -- I brought back a stone chess set for Luke, and crystal quartz necklaces for the girls. They loved the candy, too.

It's good to be home after almost 2 weeks away. Although it's tiring to travel overnight -- even first class -- I feel happy and well. It was wonderful to re-connect with Carlos and Irene and the extended family, and to share some wonderful travel experiences together.

image by Lola: garden of folk artist gallery Oficina de Agosto

Heading Home

My bags are packed and I'm ready to go. It's rainy and cool. We were joking that since I managed to fit everything in, now we can do more shopping.

This has been a wonderful vacation. I feel refreshed and rejuvinated. I fly out around 10pm and get back to Boston around noon. I am already thinking -- when can I return? That's a great way to end a trip. On a high note.

Image by Lola: waterfalls at Pousada Fazenda Monjolos

Fazenda Monjolos

We drove yesterday through some beautiful country. It was really variable with the landscape and vegetation. We stopped at tiny, poor towns. We stopped for lunch in Serro. The restaurant had a buffet. The hot food was actually sitting atop an old wood stove. There was a delightful smell of woodsmoke. It was not a tourist place, but full of locals.

We arrived at a lovely pousada, Fazenda Monjolos. My room has a tiny porch with 2 rocking chairs. I slept with the wooden windows open as there is a waterfall just a few feet away. In 2002 Wendy and I co-led a yoga retreat in another part of Brazil. This would be a perfect place. You can rent horses here, or in the surrounding national park.

Today we drive a few hours back to Bel Horizonte, a big sprawling city, to fly back to Sao Paulo. Tonight will be a farewell dinner with the extended family.

image by Irene: Lola on tiny porch

Parque Nacional Serra do Cipó

I am up early, waiting for a guide to take me hiking in this amazing "serra" which I think means high, dry hills. They are described as a serrated knife edge. The town of Diamantina is nestled in a valley, so we will hike up out of town along an old slave road. The plan is to meet the rest of my companions at 9am, then we will continue our journey to Parque Nacional Serra do Cipó.

Yesterday we hired a local guide and he took us all over the town and surrounding area. We visited an abandoned town called Biribiri, 15 kilometers away on a rutted, almost impassable red dirt road. There were waterfalls along the way. The town had a factory there that produced cotton fabric. At some point it got very dry so the river dried up. In the past cotton was also grown locally. With the loss of the river's power and the need to transport the cotton to the factory, it was no longer viable. At one time as many as 600 people lived and worked there. Now there are 6 who are caretakers. The whole place is for sale. As I walked around I imagined a fantastic retreat center. It is absolutely isolated with beautiful hills and tropical plants. Huh...

image by Lola: ghost town of Biribiri

Pousada do Garimpo

My Portuguese is getting much better on this trip. I speak it everyday at work, but use a much more limited vocabulary, focused on mental health and medical issues. For example, I never knew the word "garimpo". It means "mining shaft". It's not an everyday word, at least not in Boston. It's interesting just to drive along the highways and byways, noting names of places, things. I have always liked languages and I find it playful as well as challenging. I can hold my own in group conversation with jokes and stories.

I got up early and took coffee outside and sat by the pool in the sunshine. One of the employees was washing the floor, so we chatted about where to buy the delicious local coffee.

Last night as I was doing meditation at sunset, there was such a racket outside. There is a Protestant church nearby where a female singer with a terrible voice was practicing one song, over and over. It went on and on. "O Senhor...". This morning the roosters began to crow well before sunrise. It definitely gave a very rural, rustic feeling.

We walked into town last night and wandered around the main square. In one of the stores we met a local woman who asked where we come from. When I told her I was American, she got extremely enthusiastic. She has been to the US a few times and has family there. She loves Obama and thinks that George W was a disaster. She was very chatty. She invited me to meet with her today. She has some sort of local radio show and wants to interview me. How funny.

image by Lola: historic center, Diamantina, MG

Diamantina, Minas Gerais, Brazil

We left Ouro Preto this morning. I started the day early. I went to the breakfast room and asked for coffee with milk. I took it back to my room and drank it in bed, looking out through the windows onto the hills of the town. The view is unsurpassed. I could see blue sky, tiled roofs and houses of all pastel colors. It was a magical 20 minutes or so.

Ouro Preto is a largish town and very well preserved. There is an old mine right in town. We took a tour of it. I have some hilarious pictures of us in hard hats, waiting to go in with the guide. At the entrance there was what appeared to be a tacky little store that sold stones. Upon further inspection, it was a wonderful little find. The owner showed us stones of every color, size, quality. I fell in love with a large piece of amazonite. When she told me that they could set it in silver as a ring, deliver it and it would cost $100, I was dumbfounded. So now I have a beautiful ring with a story.

Today we drove to what seems the end of the earth. This is another colonial town, the one furthest north on the Estrada Real, the "royal road". We met up with friends of Carlos and Irene. We traveled in a large van complete with drinks, snacks. They even packed champagne! I don't drink anymore -- too bad -- it was quite festive.

We have yet to go out and explore. It is high in the mountains, nestled in a small valley. We'll be here 2 nights, 1 night in a national park, then back to Sao Paulo on Tuesday. I fly home Wednesday night.

What an adventure. I have somehow squeezed in my practices. I must say it's been a challenge to maintain a daily practice. It is so far removed here from my usual life which includes yoga studios, meditation halls and my teachers. Jack Kornfield has been a good companion - I am reading "After the Laundry, the Esctacy".

image by Lola: view from my hotel room in Ouro Preto

Ouro Preto, Minas Gerais, Brazil

We drove yesterday from Tiradentes via Congonhas to Ouro Preto. Congonhas is a very simple town which boasts a really interesting church. Here is a blurb fom Wiki:

Congonhas (Congonhas do Campo) is a historical Brazilian city located in the state of Minas Gerais. It is situated 90 km south from Belo Horizonte, the capital of state of Minas Gerais, by the highway BR-040. The city has a small population of 50,000.

The city is notable for its basilica - the Santuário de Bom Jesus de Matosinhos - and associated sculptures which was commissioned by Portuguese adventurer, Feliciano Mendes in the 18th century. It was created by Aleijadinho, one of the best artists in the baroque style in the world. The soapstone sculptures of old testament prophets around the terrace are considered amongst his finest work.

In 1985 UNESCO granted the Sanctuary the title of a World Heritage Site.

Today we hired a local guide as well to show us the churches and museums. This is the trip of a lifetime.

image by Lola: sculptures by Aleijadinho

Serra São José

I really am in wonderland, in the positive sense. This is a fantastic area and I would encourage anyone to make the effort to get here. Today we took a 3.5 hour hike up into the hills that hug the town. The name is Serra São José. Serra refers to the serrated edge of a knife. The landscape is wild, kind of a forest, kind of dry in areas. We hired a guide who took us up to a wonderful viewing point. I could have walked all day -- the air was cool and dry. Delicious.

Everything is going smoothly other than one small inconvenience. Mark emailed me yesterday that the fraud department of my credit card company called, and wanted me to call them to authorize my expenditures. It took a while to figure out how to do that as my cell phone doesn't work here, but I was able to resolve it this morning. Now I can really shop! Yesterday we went to a fantastic folk art gallery and I spent a lot of money on sculpture and such. My credit card didn't work, so I had to use the ATM card. But now I'm totally back in business.

image by Irene: hiking in the serra

Oscar Araripe

Last night we wandered around town, and found a small gallery run by Oscar Araripe. I like his work. We talked for a while and I told him that I am an artist as well. He invited us to visit him in his studio today which I am looking forward to.

I feel really on vacation. I am so glad that I have the opportunity to travel at this point. This trip has given me the psychological space I have needed to put some distance from my last radiation treatment. My energy is totally returned -- I'm 3 weeks out of treatment. My skin has pretty much recovered, just some pinkness along a small section of the incision line.

This town is surrounded by high hills, heavily forested.

This morning we had breakfast and were greeted by tiny little monkeys who live in the gardens. They sit on the windowsill, waiting for feeding time. They get fed stale cake twice a day. The waitress says that they prefer cake over bananas. I have some funny pictures of them that I'll post once I have access again.

image by Lola: breakfast companions

Tiradentes, Minas Gerais, Brazil

This morning we left Irene and Carlos' house and drove north for 5 hours or so to a beautiful old town, Tiradentes. We have a driver which is good because the roads are somewhat treacherous. We stopped at a really simple roadside buffet place, then arrived here in late afternoon. We are staying in a first-class pousada called "Solar da Ponte". The owners are friends of Irene and Carlos. The husband is English so they have high tea between 4 and 6pm. He is a wonderful host and told many charming stories about the town and local area. They try to purchase only regional furniture and goods, so it has a very special feel. He is a hiker and will accompany us on a "trek" into the hills that surround the town.

I am feeling very happy to be here. We'll be here for 3 nights, then will move further into the interior.

Brazilian food is marvelous so I am enjoying the most excellent coffee and desserts as well as the regular meals.

I am maintaining my meditation and yoga practices. So I feel grounded and connected to my usual life, but am also having fun exploring new things and ideas and people.