I Bow To You

I just had the most amazing experience! It is very late and I should be sleeping already. But here's what happened:

I was out on the street, taking Sasha for her last walk of the day. Across the street I saw a familiar figure, a very old Vietnamese woman who collects cans on Tuesday nights in our neighborhood. We have never spoken a word. She is tiny, maybe 4 foot 6 or so. Very bent over and you always see her with a shopping cart which is loaded with cans and bottles to redeem for 5 cents apiece. She wears a lot of clothes, regardless of the season. And wears one of those hats that I associate with rice paddy farmers. That's probably a very racist description but there you have it.

She caught my attention because she left her cart on the corner and walked towards the big catholic church. She stopped in front of it and simply bowed. I was so blown away by that beautiful gesture. I imagined that she was expressing gratitude for her blessings in life. That is a total projection. Of course I have no idea what was going on for her, but it was absolutely beautiful to witness that very private moment.

I felt in my pocket to see if I had any money with me, and I actually did. So I pulled out some cash and approached her -- gently -- and offered it to her. I wasn't sure how she would react. She looked me in the eye, shook my hand and said, "thank you very much" in heavily accented English. It was an totally amazing moment and there seems to be some kind of teaching in it. I will reflect on this for days to come.

Back in the saddle

East Boston 10/7/12

I was on my bike for the first time in 3 weeks today! Gayle and I met up and did a beautiful hill ride. We went "just" 18 miles but it was a real challenge. Basically I've been pretty sedentary for the last 3 weeks other than walking and even then, not for long distances or intensely. It was really hard! I was struggling to get up pitches that were quite easy in the past. But it felt absolutely fantastic. I wondered if the seat would bother me but it was totally fine. No discomfort whatsoever.

Tomorrow I'll go hiking with Karen and Sayword. It feels great to be healthy once again!

Last Antibiotic!

East Boston Marina
10/7/12

This is finally over! I just took my last Bactrim. When I saw my PCP last Friday, she said that I could stop the sitz baths because it was well-drained but should continue the medication and should not bike for a week. I did everything as she said -- and have recovered! To celebrate, Gayle and I will bike in western Mass tomorrow. But an easy ride -- not our usual hills and big mileage. BTW, some people have asked if the abscess was caused by biking. My doctor said absolutely not. Nor poor hygiene. She just said that sometimes these things happen. She said that if it recurs, then we will have another discussion about why. But for now she attributed it to "things happen". I'm OK with that non-explanation!

I worked my usual schedule this week, 3 days. And it was actually great to be back to work. I have always found my job to be grounding and regulating. And really meaningful. At work with the patients, I feel that I have something to give that is helpful to them and touching for me. As of next month, I will have been there 14 years. One of my patients called to check on me because her appointment was cancelled not just once, but twice. That was really so thoughtful on her part.

Last night I went to a meeting at the meditation center. I was invited a few months ago to join the endowment committee and it was the second meeting for me. This discussion has been going on for years but is now getting more focused. The Center brought in a consultant who was really amazing. She gave a very interesting strategic talk. We will meet again in a few weeks. Narayan and Michael (dharma teachers) were both there. We began and ended the meeting with a few minutes of meditation, led by Narayan. It was cool to be with her in a different context. I made oatmeal raisin cookies for the meeting because I know that she loves cookies. It gave me great pleasure to see her enjoying them.

Mark and I will spend the weekend apart. He is driving to New Jersey today to help his brother with their father. The day has come when Daddy-O needs a nursing home. The house lost power for a week during Hurricane Sandy and it became completely evident to all of us that Daddy-O is not safe at home anymore, even with a lot of outside help. So it's time for tough decisions, financial and emotional.

I will drive out West this morning. And will spend a lot of time in the studio. I have 2 shows to make new work for. And am meeting with the gallery in Shelbourne Falls to "freshen" what they are showing. It's all good!

The Meaning of Dharma

East Boston Harbor
October 2012

This teaching came in today from tricycle.com.

"Dharma" has been described so many ways. But this one is my very favorites.

"First, one must get to know oneself. Then, having become familiar with oneself, one can live one’s life more deeply. Living one’s life more deeply is the meaning of dharma."

Ogyen Trinley Dorje, "Intelligence & Investigation" 

That's so inspiring! And you could spend a lifetime -- if not multiple lifetimes -- reflecting on that. My new supervisor, Chris Germer, would call this "wisdom". I met with him Wednesday and I feel like I've met another member of my tribe. He is an amazing teacher. What incredible luck to have him. After we met, I felt so inspired that I wanted to go back to the clinic and work with patients -- immediately!

But alas, I have been off of work for 2 weeks now with this infection! I am now on the second round of two different antibiotics. I will see my doctor late this afternoon. I still have remnants of infection -- after all of this medication and hours of soaking... this has been one super bacterial infection. Hopefully it's healed enough and she will tell me I can go back to work next week. I'm getting pretty stir-crazy as anything more than walking is off-limits. That said, I've been using my time well. Since I have to soak 4 times a day for 20 minutes at a time, I use that time to study Russian. It takes a lot of concentration so 20 minutes is enough time to get immersed. 

I have also ventured into Skype. I met a young woman in Russia in June and we have been using Skype to practice language. We speak 10 minutes in Russian and 10 minutes in English. It's a lot of fun!

More Soaking

East Boston Harbor October 2012

I saw my PCP today and while she is happy with the progress (the wound has definitely shrunk since I last saw her on Thursday), she is still concerned. We're not done with this, yet. She wants me to do even more soaks, 4-5 per day. Continue on both antibiotics. Return to see her Friday. If it's not resolved, she will send me to consult with a surgeon.

This is all very puzzling. Why am I not bouncing back immediately? Especially with all the antibiotics I've been taking. IV antibiotics? That should be enough for a horse. I would think that my body is strong and would be able to overcome this infection more easily. So now I'm getting concerned. I was prepared for her to tell me to go back to work tomorrow.

Aside from the soaking and medication, she said I can do very light exercise, like walking the dog, but nothing heavy-duty. I am to avoid sitting as any pressure on those tissues will prolong the healing. This is getting old real quick.

Mark is traveling on business and back on Thursday. I had a nice few days out West (drove back to the city for the appointment this afternoon). But tomorrow is election day so I definitely want to be here to vote. And tomorrow night Narayan teaches the 'old yogis' group. I'd like to go -- but it's 2 hours of sitting other than 15 minutes of walking meditation... 

Sitz Bath

I am happy to report that as of Friday, I turned a corner. I saw my PCP on Thursday and she said it was starting to heal. She decided not to lance it, but instead to continue the antibiotics and hot water  soaks. She suggested buying a "sitz bath" which is basically like a rimmed plastic bowl that attaches to the toilet. You fill it with very hot water, then sit down in it. You sit in about 4 inches of water. For as much soaking as I've been doing, it's worth the $20.

This all sounds so totally absurd. But it was really scary and dangerous. I went to the PCP and then she sent me to the ER last Monday. I got really scared Tuesday because the infection had spread beyond the initial marks (drawn on by ER on previous Saturday). Even after the massive amount of IV medication, it was spreading. At it's biggest, the site of infection was 6 inches across. Massive. And incredibly painful. It totally wiped me out for days.

But as of Friday I am definitely better. The site has shrunk to smaller than a golf ball. I will see my PCP tomorrow. I will go back to work when she says I can. In the meantime, I still soak 4 times a day for 20 minutes at a time. I do exactly what she says -- I really want to get this behind me!