TOBY Award

I received this email and images from the Corporate Program at DeCordova Museum a few days ago. I have had many paintings on loan to them for some years now. The artist loans work to the Museum, then they rent them out to their corporate clients for a fat annual sum. From what I can tell, work rarely sells. But artists do it for the exposure.

"I wanted to let you know that BioMed Realty Trust, Inc, the Corporate Member who manages the property 3 Blackfan Circle in the Longwood Medical Area, has received a TOBY award in the Laboratory Building category. The Boston Owners and Managers Association recognizes real estate excellence each year with a gala and award reception. Your piece, "Great Lakes", is installed in the grand atrium . I'm happy to confirm that the artwork exhibition helped make this decision!"

Cool!

Valparai

Chitra sent me this amazing photo. She has some friends who own this tea plantation in India called Valparai. Mark and I visited one when were in India in February 2010. She also sent me some tea from this plantation. Mark brought it back after his most recent trip. It is delicious. Black tea but light in flavor and color.


Let's see, what's been going on... I think I've managed to get kicked out of the family again over Thanksgiving. My uncle was not on good behavior! He screamed and shouted at the holiday meal which was quite unpleasant. Nothing to do with me. I was making my way out the door for one last walk on the beach with my aunt on Saturday when he cornered us. He asked if I would act as a go-between for him with my sister who refuses to see him for several years now. I told him that he needs to work on that himself. He asked why so many of us "kids" react so negatively towards him -- so I told him. He went ballistic and threatened to cut me off/out unless he sees evidence that I will help him. It is so tiresome at this point! But I'm OK. I will return to him as my "difficult" person in metta meditation.

Sasha's weight loss program is working. She has trimmed down and her leg does not seem to bother her at all. I have stopped taking her to the dog park, however. The trainer is probably right -- it's too rough when there are more than a few dogs. She does fine even on long hikes with no distress. So I don't think she needs any surgeon consult or intervention at this point. What a relief!

I dropped off work at the new gallery on Sunday and by late afternoon the owner called to say that someone wants to buy one of the paintings. The group December show isn't even up yet. So that's totally exciting. I think this gallery will be a good fit. I'm working really hard to prepare for my solo show in January. Over the weekend I had 2 studio sessions with my art mentor Carol Odell. She is an amazing artist and person. I was there to use her space, not for a class per se, but I always pick up new ideas when I'm with her in any situation.

It's almost December which means I'll be starting my gift-a-day project. This will be my 3rd year of giving someone a gift every day of the month. As a way to combat an always-emotionally-fraught month. December 1 is the day my mother died -- back in 1981 -- so between that and Christmas, it's challenging. This project has worked well the last few years. It is really fun to think about others in a spontaneous way. I don't plan too much what I'll do, but let the spirit move me each day.

I get scanned the first week in January. Stay tuned!

Gratitude Homework

Every so often someone sends me a photo of a store or product called "Lola". Christiane sent this one a few weeks ago. I'm not sure what is being advertised -- or where it was taken. But there you go!

I am inspired to write tonight as I just got back from meditation class, and Narayan always sparks something in me. In fact, I attended two of her classes, back to back. Mark is on vacation this week (I used all of mine and them some in August) and drove out West with Sasha this morning. So I didn't have to get home to take care of her this evening. So I was free to spend the whole evening at the dharma center. I really like the beginners class. It is 1 hour. She always gives a beautiful talk. As a friend once said about Narayan, she is both your first teacher and your last teacher. The way she explains the practice to beginners is so fresh. It seems so simple, the way she presents the practice. And yet if you have been practicing a while, it is so incredibly profound. In the first class she talked about how the Buddha encouraged everyone to think and experience for oneself. Don't believe what you are told, don't believe in tradition. Try everything for yourself and see what works, what brings most happiness. He must have been a real iconoclast, coming out of a princely Hindu family and encouraging people to break with tradition and find inner freedom.

She always gives homework each week. We work for months at a time on a theme. Currently she is teaching "wise intention". But since it's Thanksgiving week, she asked he to partner up with another student. And each day for the next 2 weeks we are to email each other with something we are grateful for. This term I have had the company of Valerie. We sit side by side each week. We met some years ago through art but also have meditation in common. So it will be fun to email her every day with something I'm grateful for.

I actually have a well-established gratitude practice for many years now, so this homework will not be much of a departure from what I do anyway. The new aspect is sharing it daily with someone else. When I finish yoga practice, I always spend a few minutes in gratitude/prayer. Always on the "list" is that my body is comfortable and healthy. And a good night's sleep. And enjoying Sasha who does her best to share the yoga mat. Even when I wish she'd move over!

Sandwich Retreat

I can't help but write about what I've been doing the last 9 days. It has been the hardest but most amazing experience of my life. I attended the annual "sandwich " retreat at the meditation center in Cambridge. I signed up a few weeks ago and had been quite anxious about it. A few years ago I did a 2-day silent retreat at the center that was very challenging. And yet I've been feeling that I want to deepen my practice, so I decided to do it. That said, I was not sure if I would do the whole thing. It was 2 weekends (all day/evening Saturday and Sunday) and every weeknight in between from 6:30pm til 9pm.

On registration day last Saturday, the retreat manager asked I planned on attending the whole thing so she could decide which "yogi" job to give me. I hesitantly said that I intended to do the whole thing. She looked at me with raised eyebrow and said, "that doesn't sound very certain to me". And I was not at all certain. How would I tolerate all those hours in silence? I went to a meditation and psychotherapy conference last summer and one of the presenters described doing meditation as "being locked in a phone booth with a lunatic". That's about right!

But when Narayan made the opening remarks and urged us to be "impeccable" in our practice, right then and there I decided that I was going to attend every single session; not be late; not "cheat" in any way. (I hate rules and am still very adolescent towards being told what to do.) I took that on as a personal challenge.

Here is the evening chant:

Annica vata sakhara
uppada vaya dhammino
uppajjitva nirujjhanti
tesam vupasamo sukho

Natthi me saranam annam
buddho (dhammo, sangho) me saranam varam

ettena sacca vajjena
sotthi hotu sabbada

About 60 people attended. The 4 teachers were all there, often on the platform at the same time. We alternated between sitting and walking, typically 30 to 45 minutes. Lunch was provided and the cooks really rocked. The food was awesome. They also provided "tea" which was really dinner. I felt very cared for and protected. The silence was fine. I had an interview with Narayan the first Saturday -- all of 10 minutes. Then another interview yesterday, also 10 minutes.

Right before I saw her, I had an amazing session. I got a taste of possibility, inner freedom. I realized that much of what goes on in my mind is completely constructed. My mind is one big construction site. It's stories, fantasies, memories, comparing, commenting, narrating, etc. It's mostly just wanting what you don't have; holding on to what you don't want to lose; wishing you didn't have something that you do have; and random content. That's why we miss so much of what's going on in the moment because we're swept up with the drama of our thoughts and feelings. That was an amazing moment. Of course a few breaths later I was back to the usual stuff, but it was so powerful, even a moment of that. I now have a glimpse of what it might mean to be internally free.

For much of the retreat I was focused on the breath, rather than metta. Sometimes with metta the words get in the way and I'm overly focused on the phrases and number of repetitions, rather than paying attention to what is arising. She said that it was fine to work with 'bare attention' during the retreat but to continue metta in daily practice as it's been such an anchor these last 3.5 years.

Another aspect I worked with is "allowing". Allowing whatever arises to do so. Not pushing away, not trying to make anything happen. The course I took this summer was a lot about that. Can you make room for it all. It's like doing a very deep psychotherapy -- integrating all the disparate parts of oneself. It is hard! We all have aspects that we'd rather disavow. So I sat with all of it. Some moments were hell, other moments were joy and peace.

When we finished, they asked us to go around the room and speak about our experience. It was beautiful. Lots of gratitude towards the teachers, the kitchen staff, the retreat manager, and each other. And of course for the teaching themselves. Narayan gave the last talk which was metta-based. She encouraged us to be "pourous" and open to the group. Even though we were in silence the whole time, there was an amazing feeling of connection between us. I saw next to a (tall, handsome!!) guy for 9 days and we never said a word until tonight. I liked sitting next to him - he was very steady physically and a devoted practicioner. It was fun to introduce ourselves when it was all over.

I have a lot to integrate. It was very hard and very cool at the same time -- depending on the moment. It is important to challenge ourselves, to go beyond our comfort zone. It was a huge leap, but at the same time I knew I was safe and in good company.