Berlin Instead

Back in January when yet another tumor was found on my pelvis, I decided to buy a ticket to Berlin anyway. With no flight insurance. Hoping that everything would be OK and I'd be able to take the trip to visit my dear friend Otto and his wife Claudia. The gods are with me, and I fly out tomorrow night! And as an extra bonus, I don't have an oncology appointment this month. I go back June 25 for the basic consult (blood work and physical exam) but don't get scans again until late July. What freedom!

Since Karl Ove Knausgaard's My Struggle (Book 6) isn't published into English until September, I've been revisiting some classics. Inspired by KO's recent story in NYT Magazine about his trip to Russia where he visited the Turgenev Museum, I decided to re-read Fathers and Sons. And just started The Tin Drum. I remember seeing the film in college - Little Oskar banging on his drum and shattering glass with his screams. His grandmother harboring a fugitive under her skirts as she roasted potatoes on a stick in the middle of a field. The first chapter itself is a marvel. I'm still a Luddite in almost all ways and will happily drag this heavy book along. As well as my even heavier collage book as Otto has a studio and we will surely spend time there art-making. They are also tour bikers which I have never done - I've packed some bike gear and we may venture out for a few over-nights.

My birthday was Monday - I am now 57. And happy to be alive, feeling healthy and strong, surrounded by love. Doing the work I love with the health and resources to do what I like. For my birthday, Glenn got me 2 apple trees. A Macoun and a Pink Lady. As we were planting, his daughter and boyfriend came over and gave me a Empire. So now we have an orchard! 3 apples, 2 peaches, 1 pear and a potted Black Fig that my aunt gave me.

This evening my cousin Mark is coming over to pick up an assemblage/encaustic piece that he commissioned.

All good.

Mother's Day

Aunt Marty
Chatham, Massachusetts

If this is 89 years old, hell yea!

Sasha had been with my sister for over a week, and it was Mother's Day, so Glenn and I parted Saturday morning and I headed to the Cape to see my sister and my aunt. It was wonderful to reunite with Sasha again. I really missed her. I spend more time with her than any person, actually. My sister said it was fun to have her - Sasha and her "cousin" Pebbles the Dalmatian romped together for a week.

My aunt asked me to meet her at church - so I happily went. She was in the front row with another old woman friend of hers who she drives to church every week. We sat side by side and sang hymns and dropped envelopes into the collection. She introduced me to lots of people but later confessed that she can't remember names anymore. Over and over we heard how much we look alike. I love that because I think she is still so beautiful.

My sister and I were musing about her - and saying that she is still childlike in a way - in a good way. She is enthusiastic about everything and so appreciative of whatever is done for her. My "gift" was this calla lily and making her lunch. these days she really doesn't want more stuff so I'm happy to cook for her. You'd think pasta frittata was the most gourmet dish ever made. A simple salad, steamed green beans. She loved it.

After lunch we went for a walk around the junior high where there is an enormous level grassy field. After one turn around we sat down for a while, then made a second turn. It was so lovely and so worth the time. She questions how she can continue to give back, how she can stay engaged. She is so inspiring.

Oto

Oto, Iowa

My dad used to entertain us with silly stories. Like how Oto got named. According to him, the Indian chief was standing and looking out over the ridge of the Little Sioux River, stubbed his toe, and shouted, "Oto". And so the town was named.

Glenn and I were in Iowa for 5 days and it was an amazing trip. I had never invited anyone "home" before. We were in Ames for his daughter's graduation, then spent a night up on the farm with my family. My hometown is Anthon with 700 souls, and Oto where the family lives has 100 souls. We drove about 3 hours through the heartland, stopping a few times in tiny farming towns at a bakery and thrift store. I found a t-shirt that says "Okoboji" which is both a town and a Native American tribe. We arrived around noon on Monday, and "dinner" was waiting. Chuck roast, homegrown potatoes, hand-canned peaches and Karen's dilly pickles. What a homecoming! We took a walk along the dirt road and in an hour's time, did not see anyone. Now I know who I am - a prairie girl. It's about the land. I took endless photos.

Gary is the farmer version of the Oracle of Delphi. He's been retired for a few years now. But his knowledge of everything is wide and deep.

They loved Glenn - and we can't wait to go back! We're hoping to rent an old farmhouse and ride our gravel grinders and listen to the wind.

Home.

If the sun rises in the east...

Sasha swimming off Aunt Marty's dock
Chatham, Massachusetts

I'm thinking a lot about my early life in Anthon, Iowa. and my father who made up so many funny - and sometimes profound - sayings. I woke up this morning remembering, "if the sun rises in the east and you put your feet on the floor as you get out of bed, it's a good day". With a lunatic at the helm in the White House - our "Commander and Chief" - with the ability to blow everything to smithereens at any moment- it seems even more prescient.

Glenn and I are flying to Iowa on Friday morning for his daughter's graduation from Iowa State vet school. I will meet up with friends I've known since age 3 on Friday in Des Moines. We will spend the weekend in Ames.

And on Monday morning we will drive roughly 4 hours to northwest Iowa and stay with family on one of the old farms. This is the first time I've taken anyone "home" with me. We will stay with Gary and Karen and Jana Sue. Karen used to work in my dad's clinic and Gary is my stepmother's brother. We won't be seeing her. She is off the wagon, i.e. drinking heavily and according to my brother John, completely off her rocker. She won't even know we're there as no one in the family talks to her anymore. But that's a completely different story...

Home. Even though I only lived in Anthon with my parents until I was 6 years old, it has always felt like home. I lived there between ages 10-14 with my dad and stepmother but that was a different feeling. Over the years I have often fantasized about moving back there, buying an old farmhouse and living outside of "town" (population ~700). The last time I was there was 2005 for what would have been my 25th year high school graduation. In Anthon I was always "doc's oldest girl". I imagine it will still be the same, 50 years later.

Glenn has always referred to my dad "the Hemingway of Iowa".
And the sun also rises...

No news is good news

Brookline Open Studios

As the saying goes, no news is good news. Yesterday I had an appointment with Lauren, the nurse practitioner. I had blood work, physical exam (if you can even call it that) and then an infusion of Zumeta which is to protect the bones from further cancer damage. She listened to my heart - my pulse is crazy low, like 40. That's more of a concern than cancer at this point. I saw an electro-cardiologist a few weeks ago and am on wait/watch to see if something needs to be done about that. But a low pulse runs in the family, I'm pretty active. So all good. I skip the next month then get scans again in July.

Glenn is camera shy. The pic was taken in my friend Amy's studio over the weekend. I didn't participate in Open Studios this year but we went around to see a few artists friends showing work. One of our favorite stops is Feet of Clay pottery studio - making a beeline to the seconds table.

Rather than infusion of cancer drugs, I'm more focused on a different kind of infusion. Over the weekend we bought a book called "Infuse: oil, spirit, water". It's dedicated to making magic in Mason jars. Oil-based dressings, boozy farmers market/homegrown cocktail makings, flavored waters like switchel and salted lime syrup. Our pear tree is budding up quickly and the peach trees are not far behind. Last time I was in Connecticut I planted red onion sets, mesclun, spinach and radishes. So grounding, literally. Dirty hands and feet. That's living.