Happinness Committee

This morning as I biked to work, I came up with the idea to create a "happiness committee" by sending the following email to a few close and trusted friends.

This is what I emailed out:

I read a book recently entitled "Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and lasting Fulfillment" and one of his suggestions was to form a
"happiness committee". So I am choosing all of you to be on my "committee" as I am ready to make some major changes and need support and (hopefully not too much) guidance.

I am back at work after being away for almost 2 weeks. Mark and I spent the week out West. It was so hard to come back last night. Putting Sasha in her crate this morning about did me in. My first patient hasn't showed up so I am taking this time to write. I should be frantically digging out the voice mail, pages, emails, etc.

As you know, I have been struggling with this decision (quit my job, live more full-time out West) since last January when the bone scan showed an area of concern, ie a tiny metastasis on my pelvis. Not enough to investigate or treat, but still, something. I get scanned next July 6.

I think the time has come. I no longer enjoy my job -- it's been a good 12+ years, being of service to the Portuguese-speaking community. But it's run it's course. As I walked in this morning, one of our patients stopped me and asked for help with his Masshealth. I just don't have it in me anymore.

My health is excellent as far as I know. I have been a social worker since 1988. That's a lot of years of giving. What I really want to focus on is my creative life. The Tolstoy project has a life of it's own. I am on fire to make and create.

Mark's health insurance will cover me. So, what am I waiting for?

Is this fool-hardy? What keeps me planted is my beloved meditation teacher Narayan and the Angels, my sister's 3 young kids. When I mentioned selling the city house a few months ago in front of Luke, he burst into tearsm. But I figure I will be spending at least a few days a week in the city anyway and will schedule it around seeing the kids, Narayan and studio time wtih Team Tolstoy. As far as what I will do going forward, I know it will be good and more in line with where I'm at these days in terms of my values, energy and interests.

So, please weigh in. Feel free to "reply all" unless it's something that
you want me only to read.

I am thinking to give 4 weeks notice, to have my last day Wednesday June 22.

my love to you all.
Lola

PS Peggy, please pass to Narayan

Here is one beautiful response from Sayword who was quoting Adrienne Rich:

"But there come times--perhaps
this is one of them--
when we have to take ourselves
more seriously or die;
when we have to pull back
from the incantations,
rhythms we've moved to thoughtlessly.
and disentrall ourselves, bestow
ourselves to silence, or a
deeper listening..."
from Transcendental Etude



Otto took this photo of Claudia and I practicing yoga on Saturday morning.
Now I'm just waiting for a definitive answer from Mark's human resources department. We need to know how soon I can get on his policy. This is so scary -- and so exciting.

Back to the city

Alas, we are driving back to the city later this afternoon. It has been a fantastic week. We did get the garden fully planted, although we left a little space so we can plant a few things in a few weeks so we don't have a ton of green beans all at once.

Whenever I spend a lot of time here, it is all that much harder to go back. The thought of spending 8 hours in my windowless office feels burdensome and oppressive.

And what about Sasha? She has had such a fun time. This afternoon I took her to a brook nearby and worked on her retrieve-the-stick trick. She is certainly swimming like a champ but is having a hard time with the retrieving part. Which is probably more of a reflection of my poor/non-existent training skills than her lack of motivation. I feel so guilty that she will be back in the city, in her crate, waiting for the dog walker, then for us in the evening. I feel so free as I walk with her through the woods, along dirt roads, through farmers fields. It reminds me of how I felt as a young teen back in rural Iowa, roaming around with the dogs and going where I wanted. Being here, in the country, is like coming full circle. It's just taken me 50 years to get back here!

Birthday Bounty

I woke up this morning and had to laugh as I took these photos. I asked the party guests to either bring me a plant out of their garden or a piece of rusty junk from their burn pile, barn, shed or whatever. On the left is a intake manifold from Mark's old truck. We have tried to get rid of that thing a few times but either the garbage pick-up didn't accept it or whatever. So I figured, I will make something out of it! So many guests did indeed bring me rusty junk. We had fun putting some of it together into funny shapes. I can't wait to get into the studio to begin to work with this stuff. On the right is an old cultivator that Marian brought. It belonged to her neighbor's grandfather. We had a good time trying to guess what some of these items had been in their previous life, and also wondering what in the world I'd do with it now.

Claudia and Otto got off to an early start and let us know that they arrived at the Newark airport in plenty of time to drop off their car and get through security. I really wished they could have stayed longer. We had a fantastic time together. Claudia has both a yoga and meditation practice as well as an interest in Buddhism -- and is a psychologist -- so we have lots of common interests. I hope our next time together isn't too long in the future.

Today Mark and I planted all of our earth-bound gifts: roses from Jeanne and Lynn; strawberry crowns from Lucy; calendula from Karen and Sayword as well as more potatoes and seeds. We still aren't done with the planting but will certainly finish up tomorrow. In the late afternoon I took Sasha for another swim. She bolted out of the car, heading for the busy street. But at the last moment veered off towards a Vietnamese family party at some picnic tables. She is crazy for food so I was grateful that they were there with plates full of food to lure her over.

I don't know how I will go back to work on Tuesday. Mark and I have been talking and are pretty sure that I will leave my job soon. I was hoping to hold out until we finish the Tolstoy project in the fall, but I may not last that long. Increasingly I am feeling that I want to commit my time and energy to creative work -- it's where I feel the most juice and joy. So I will follow that.

The BIG 5-0

He are are Claudia and Otto, taken the night they arrived (Thursday).

Time is short, our guests are due to start arriving momentarily, but I couldn't resist making an entry, even if brief.

The whole day felt celebratory. Claudia and I just finished yoga practice on the deck. A neighbor drove up a bit ago and delivered a bouquet of flowers and organic vegetables and herbs. My friend Christiane contacted her and asked her to put together a gift basket from her farm. So cool! So our salad will include mesclun, wild peppermint, spearmint, baby radishes and flowers in the greens.

I feel honored to have such good friends. Here is my birthday reflection: you are born into your family of origin and over time you learn to make peace and love them all. Friends, however, are family that you choose. I am blessed in innumerable ways, but mostly in the realm of friends. My dad used to say that if you have enough true friends to carry your casket, i.e. 6, you have had a successful life. So by that measure, I am blessed multiple times. And have had a successful life indeed.

Biking with Otto and Claudia

We decided not to drive to Boston today for a studio day with Team Tolstoy. Otto and Claudia had driven 10+ hours yesterday and being such a beautiful day, we didn't want to spend much of it driving on a holiday weekend. Claudia has been practicing ashanga yoga for many years, and took us through a 45 minute practice on the deck. How lovely! It is a really challenging form.

We rented bikes and spent the afternoon climbing hills along a river. Otto and Claudia are very experienced bikers, and were most patient with Mark and I plodding along. I got off and walked many times! It was hard, but really fun. It is always good to have guests as it gets you out of your usual activities. Mark and I have never biked out here. So it was like being on vacation in your own backyard, enjoying a new activity together.

Tomorrow is my 50th birthday! How can this be? Our guests will arrive around 5pm so we have the whole day to play. We plan on going to the farmers market -- maybe down to the river to swim. We are having a wonderful visit.

Expecting Housguests

The lemon bundt cake is in the oven, still a lot of housework to be done (by me because I was goofing around all day while Mark worked) but we are ready for Otto and Claudia! It is a perfect weekend for guests as it is lush and warm and sunny. They will be with us through Sunday. I have never met her and am looking forward to it.

I spend the morning with Trish, working on encaustic. She is also trying to re-learn Russian, so we bought 2 books in Russian (Dr. Zhivago and short stories by Lermontov) at the used book store. We will each make a drawing/collage/pr
actice making Russian words or phrases on one page every day. We'll keep the same book, then switch when we see each other again. She will work on the right side, I will work on the other side once she hands it over. So it's like doing a long-term book art thing, learning language, and having fun and getting to know each other. As if I don't have enough things that I do every day! But for a while now I've wanted to commit to some art-making each and every day, even if it's just a line on a page.

There must be a part of the brain that gets stimulated when you study a new language. I've been brushing up on Russian every day since Sunday and while I walk in the woods with the dog, find myself conjugating verbs and trying to make simple sentences in my head. It is coming back after almost 30 years of lying dormant.

Although I am not thinking about going back to work next week, already I think that this is going to be a problem. When I finished yoga practice yesterday morning and was saying my gratitude prayers, I had a sudden moment of clarity. I thought -- what I want to do is continue to work in the city until we finish the War and Peace Project -- we should be done late this fall, then move out here. And make art. Now that I'm here, I wonder -- will I make it til then? Not health-wise, but whether I will maintain a good attitude at work. Wanting to be somewhere else, doing something else. I feel HOME here. In every sense.

She is a Swimmer!

Here is a photo that I took yesterday at the pond that we walked to from the house. It took about 40 minutes to get there. It was a beautiful walk, along a dirt road and past an iconic dairy farm. Her swimming was stronger than the day before, but today she really knocked the cover off the ball. I met up with Marian to walk along a fairly fast-moving river. We waded until it got too deep, so Sasha got used to the feel of it. I threw a stick, and in she went in after it, depositing it at my feet. Without any treat! I must have thrown
thrown it 30 times for her until we moved on -- and I threw some more. She came home exhausted but very proud of herself. (Yes, I know, that's a projection, right??) I am a terrible swimmer but Marian is a strong swimmer and assured me that if Sasha got swept down stream or was unable to make it back, she would go in after her. Fortunately she didn't have to do that. A totally joyous afternoon.

I went to Trish's again this morning for more encaustic. I am working on a large piece, 24" x 24", a commission. We had a great time and the morning flew by.

When I got back from seeing Marian, Mark helped me plant tomatoes, broccoli, fingerling potatoes and brussel sprouts, all organic from Tom's farm.

A totally indulgent day.

Tomorrow we are expecting Otto and Claudia from Berlin. Otto and I have been friends for 30 years so it seems fitting that he will be here to help celebrate my 50th on Saturday. I very likely celebrated my 20th with him -- but who can remember?!

Crescent

The only downside to being out West (other than being away from the Angels) is that I will miss the poppies in bloom. I took this photo Sunday. This is my yard in the city, completely full of oriental poppies, moments away from opening. But is is absolutely lush and beautiful here. Today was very warm, almost 80. I continue to work on planting the garden but am not nearly done yet. We wait until Memorial Day to plant the most delicate things like tomatoes. So I'm maybe not so far behind after all. Mark is helping me to lay a thick layer of mulch in the perennial borders and it is looking beautiful.

I spent the morning at Trish's, working on encaustic. She is going to take the Russia trip this August. 5 of us will be going. I booked tickets a few days ago. Christiane from Atlanta and Lucy. Mark will go, too. So very exciting!

Mark was on the phone last night with one of our neighbors who does work for us. He told Mark that the woman I bought Sasha from, Crescent, is dying. She had liver cancer in the summer of 2009 and was doing great. But she had an intense recurrence and is not expected to live more than a few days. I can't stop thinking about her. She was such a beautiful, strong, vibrant and happy woman. She was passionate about raising chocolate labs and Morgan horses. It is too late to visit. I have been sending her metta and wishing her safe passage to the other side. Her imminent death is another reminder to all of us: wake up! The Buddha was not a saint, not a mystic. He was The Awakened One. That's what I aspire to: to be awake to each and every moment of this most-precious thing we call human existence.

Spending time with Sasha helps me to awaken. The last few days we have walked north into Vermont (our house is less than a mile from the border). There are roaring streams, fields, cattle and old farm houses. She is getting to be a pretty good swimmer. There is a pond nearby that we walked to today. I found a very long branch and threw it in the deep water many times. She was in heaven. She teaches me how to live in the moment and enjoy everything.

Geminis

Lulu took this photo yesterday of her mom Jeanne and me in the studio. Jeanne and I share a birthday. I gave her a tiny collage as an early birthday gift. To her side you can also see my latest venture into 3-dimensional work, using salvaged wood and barbed wire. I like the lusciousness of oil paint contrasted with the rusty sharpness of the barbed wire. The wire is attached with a rusty bracket, also found in a dump.

I found a buyer for Zoey's orphan collage yesterday. Thank you Lisa! Lisa and I go way, way back. At least 25 years of friendship -- and counting. She came with her teen daughter Zoey. Zoey really liked one of the encaustic pieces so I gave it to her. And Lisa, bless her, purchased Zoey's collage for $5. Now all of the Angels are at least as "successful" as Van Gogh, who sold 1 piece before he died, insane and in poverty.

Mark and I drove out West last night. It is rainy and cool and wonderful. The coffee is great, the garden is ready for planting and all is well.

And so their careers are launched

Here is another sculpture from Studios Without Walls. This one is made from Brillo pads! I just love this show with such inventive materials. I have lots of birch trees in the yard out West and would love to play around with them like this.

Today was the first day of East Boston Open Studios. The Angels were with me. Before we arrived, we went to Trader Joe's. I told them that they could each select a few items to serve to our visitors. They thought that was the best thing ever. Of course I initially said that they could each choose 2 items, but we ended up with a loaded cart. Which included ice cream sandwiches. Since they came in a 4-pack, of course I had to indulge, right?

Some months ago they were at the studio and made some collages. At Luke's behest, they put them out with price tags -- and everyone of them got purchased! Luke made $30 and Shayna made $15. Their pieces ranged from $5 to $10. The only difficulty is that Zoey's didn't sell. So now her parents and I are wondering how to deal with that. She was so disappointed! As the older two were so thrilled. Luke offered -- on his own -- to give some of his proceeds to me for materials. I suggested that next time we go to the art supply store, he can buy something that we can all use.

I'll be back tomorrow on my own, then Mark and I will drive out West for the rest of the week.

I will turn 50 a week from today. I'm ready!

Becca and Gary

Here is another sculpture from Studios Without Walls. I took this a few mornings ago. It is made of chairs, umbrellas and god knows what else. I didn't actually read the artist statement but all of the work has some message from the artist. I like this quite a bit because it seems so whimsical.

Mark and I were invited to a wedding this morning. Unfortunately it conflicted with going to the studio with Team Tolstoy. I really hate to miss any time together. But Becca played a key role in introducing Mark and I. So we were happy to help them celebrate. It was a home wedding which is so intimate. They asked guests to read and I found a lovely piece from Thich Nhat Hanh.

"Through my love for you, I want to express my love for the whole cosmos, the whole of humanity, and all beings. By living with you, I want to learn to love everyone and all species. If I succeed in loving you, I will be able to love everyone and all species on Earth... This is the real message of love." (Teachings on Love)

I think I have found a Russian tutor. I took a walk with Sasha this evening and went to a Russian bookstore in the neighborhood. I asked the clerk if he knew anyone who gives privates, and he gave the name of a friend. So hopefully some of us can start classes soon, in anticipation of our trip to Russia in late August.

We are in town this weekend as tomorrow and Sunday I'll be in East Boston Open Studios. I'll be showing encaustic for the first time. Mark will photograph the new work in the morning and I'll post it soon. The Angels will spend the day with me as their parents are involved in graduation ceremonies at Boston University all day. So that will be very fun.

Chihuly

Thursdays I spend with the Angels. My sister asked me to pick Zoey up at pre-school around mid-day. She is out a few hours before the two older ones are released, so it's a nice chunk of time to spend with just her. She is always game to do anything. Today I proposed that we go to the Museum of Fine Arts to see a show by glass artist Dale Chihuly. She really enjoyed it. Of course her attention span is pretty short and we went through it rather quickly, but we both thought it was extraordinary. If you live in Boston or will be visiting before late August, go see it! The scale, the spectacular color and forms... really fantastic.

I also took her to the Buddha room at the MFA. I always go there, at least for a few minutes whenever I visit. It is a dark room with 7 Buddhas, some meditating and calm and some are fierce warriors. She said, "aunty, should we sit like the Buddha?". I said, yes, that's what we'll do. A few minutes I looked over and had her eyes closed, legs folded and sitting still. She also reminded me (as she does almost every time I see her) how she still loves the Buddha necklace that I gave her on her 3rd birthday.What a great kid.

Later we picked up her siblings and went walking and exploring in the arboretum with Sasha, then got ice cream. My sister is always so grateful that I take them. I am so honored that she entrusts them to me. We have a great time together, and today was no exception.

"Incendies"

I am on vacation! I don't return to work until Tuesday May 31. How delightful!

I worked a little late, trying to tie up some loose ends. But in practice, it is never "done". In any case, I try to leave things as tidy as possible, knowing all hell will break loose when I get back. Oh well.

Tonight I met up with Cynthia to see this film "Incendies". It is really intense and quite the plot twister. The theatre was practically empty so we didn't feel too guilty about whispering throughout, saying to each other, "what is happening now? are you as confused as I am ?". We haven't seen each other in a while so it was fun to go out after the film -- so late for me -- to have a bite to eat. I was so tired biking home that I actually wobbled into the side of a parked taxi as I set off. That was kind of weird. Fortunately it was empty so no one yelled at me for being so clumsy.

A few of us from Team Tolstoy are making plans to travel to Russia in late August. We will go to meet the staff at Yasnaya Polyana and to make preparations for our show next summer. I don't like to travel in the summer as I like to spend as much time as possible out West, but will make an exception for this. We're still in the planning stage but it looks like 4-5 of us will go. Mark wants to start taking Russian classes. We will need a crash course to be prepared by August.

"coccoon"

I took this photo yesterday morning while taking Sasha for her morning exercise alongside my bike. The photo does not do the piece justice. It is part of an art show called "Studios without Walls". This is an established group of Boston artists who show in outdoor settings. This piece is called "coccoon" and was made by a woman I know peripherally named Joan Schwartz. It is made from fallen branches, yarn and beeswax. It is about 4-5 feet long, although it's hard to tell exactly as it's suspended way overhead. I want to make some pieces like this for our woods out West.

Tonight I went to meditation class and was so disappointed that Narayan wasn't teaching! I walked in and could hear the teacher making some initial comments. My heart just sank. I thought -- can I gracefully walk out? But decided to stay. As it turns out, I had a very interesting experience. My mind was doing its usual "pinball" machinations. She gave some basic instructions and I began to pay attention to my breath. Pretty soon I began to feel waves of bliss with each breath. It went on and on like that. Dare I say spiritual orgasm? It felt like there was an energetic rising in my chest. Like a big ball of sun energy. It wasn't scary at all, it was amazing. I could hear her say that she would soon ring the bell, signaling the end of the session. For the first time, ever, I wished the session would never end. What to make of that? It was cool, but I'm sure that Narayan would say that it's an experience like any other, no better and no worse. But that I could use that experience to inspire my practice, to realize the boundlessness of peace and awareness.

A Little Scare

I took this photo Friday evening as Marian and I were leaving the house to take a walk. The leaves are now out. I love those birch trees which edge the forest at our house. I am inspired to make some "sculptures" to adorn the trees. I saw some wonderful work near the hospital area, by a group called Studio Without Walls. I took a bunch of photos of that work this morning. More on that topic tomorrow...

I had a little medical scare the last few days. On Saturday night I felt something strange in my mouth. I saw an area that was deep red and lumpy, just below my gum line. I called the oncologist this morning to ask if I should be concerned. She said, no, it's probably just some food particle that is irritating the gum tissue. She said to "wait and watch" and to swish some warm water around in my mouth. I am not completely convinced that it's nothing but will do as she says and see if it resolves itself. I don't typically get worried about things like this but I know that necrosis of the jaw is an uncommon side effect of Zometa. And that I already have cancer in my bones. So it wasn't much of a leap to suspect the worst.

This is living with a chronic disease -- it is hard to gauge when to become alarmed, and when not to.

Red Leather Couch

Is this not the height of decadence? Mark and I went furniture shopping yesterday and bought a fire-engine red leather couch. He took this photo in the show room. When we moved into our house out West, we furnished it with everyone's hand-me-downs. So now, into our 5th year, we are upgrading. Our only hope is that Sasha won't chew on it as she loves leather in all forms -- shoes, belts. Oh oh!

I have been very busy working in the studio, preparing for East Boston Open Studios this coming weekend. I will be showing encaustics, collage and some 3-dimensional wall pieces from found wood and junk in the woods.

Yesterday I took a long walk with Sasha -- 2.5 hours -- with Trish's house as our destination. It is so cool to walk to someone's house through the woods! We were on a street for about 10 feet as we cut across a field to her yard. Other than that we were on the woods or fields the whole time. Along the way I found a huge piece of vinyl blue tarp. I have walked over this eye-sore for years now, inwardly commenting how ugly it is to have garbage strewn in the woods. This time I decided to pick it up and drag it home as I have some ideas to make some sculpture to hang in the trees out here. I am on fire with creative ideas. I am very excited about the encaustic as well as making 3-d things from found objects, ie garbage.

Yesterday Karma came over for an encaustic tutorial. She really loved it and wants to learn more. It is really fun and you can make something wonderful your very first time.

It's rainy here today. Which is just as well because I want to spend the day in the studio.

Frontline, Please

I took this photo last week on the Cape. I was walking with my aunt's friend Maureen and her dog Lulu.It was late afternoon. I love places "off-season" and Cape Cod is no exception. I just heard from my aunt that she found a few ticks in the bed I slept in. If neither I nor Sasha gets Lyme disease it will be a miracle. Pass the Frontline!

We arrived out West around 6pm last night.The days are long now, so I was able to take a long walk in the woods with Sasha and Marian. Marian loves the woods, too. We found an open spot in the blueberry field and sat for a while, drinking in the sky. It was beautiful. She stayed for dinner. I am in heaven out here. In spite of the ticks! And May flies.

Glam Rock Coat

Lucy and I had lunch yesterday. Not exactly lunch, more of a romp in the neighborhood. We love to go to thrift stores together, in search of collage and art supplies. We went into a huge new thrift store and I spied this fabulous coat. It is turquoise suede leather with fake fur lining. I tried it on and felt like a 70's glam rock star. And just had to have it! Lucy bought it for me as a gift. Isn't it fab?

Sasha's lab results came back a day late and show that she has giardia that needs stronger medication. So it was back to the vet -- again. She took her first dose last night and is already much better.

Meditation Hall Contraband

Sasha is on the "bland" diet which means either buying the expensive canned stuff at the vet's, or cooking it yourself. So tonight on my way to meditation class, I stopped at the regular grocery store and bought chicken thighs to cook at home for her. Chicken and rice diet. The only problem is that I had no choice but to bring them into the center with me in the bike bag. One of the house rules is that you can bring in vegetarian food only. What would be the response if I were found out? Raw chicken in the meditation center? Horrors!

She is feeling a little better. Her dog walker left a very explicit description of her poo. Which I will spare my delicate readers.

Narayan was not teaching tonight which was a disappointment. She usually teaches the beginners drop-in but it's never posted if someone else teaches. So I take my changes because she is usually there. One time I asked her about a particular form of suffering -- the attachment to your favorite dharma teacher! She got a good laugh out of that. It's interesting because tonight's teacher said pretty much the same words but gives a totally different feeling. So I admit it -- I am totally attached (bad Buddhist!) to her. Oh well. If you have to suffer from attachment, and we all do, it's a good one.

Shayna reading upside down

My sister has forbidden me to post photos of her kids, but today she sent me this one with the express request of Shayna that I post it to this blog. It is a most curious thing she is doing -- reading a book while suspended from her tree swing. What a funny kid! She is 9 now so could probably read this blog. My sister asked me not to give her (my sister) the blog link when I started writing in late 2008 -- but the kids know about it and on occasion when they have been with me, I show them photos.

Other than this fabulous photo, it's been an uneventful day. Up at 5:30 as usual, coffee, meditation, dog park, yoga, bike to work. I worked in the garden this evening and am eagerly awaiting the oriental poppies to burst out any day now. They are finicky plants to get started, but once they are happy in a location, they spread like crazy. I have a carpet of them this year. So beautiful!

Sasha is back on medication for diarrhea. This is her 3rd round or so. She eats everything she can get in her mouth including city sewer run-off, cigarette butts and garbage in the city, and road kill, stagnant water and any kind of excrement she finds in the woods. Considering what she eats, she has an iron constitution. But this time it's gone on for a few days too long, so Mark brought in a "sample" today but they started her on antibiotics anyway. We'll get lab tests back tomorrow but it's probably giardia. That's my girl!

Trish

I have a new friend out West named Trish. She is married to an organic farmer in town. Over the last 5 warm seasons I have bought plants from him and would see her on occasion at their farm but never more than a quick "hello". A few months ago a mutual friend told me that Trish was having an artist reception where she would be showing collage and reading her poetry. Mark and I went, and he took many photos of her, the other poet, and the band. We got together a few more times and have struck up a friendship. She does a lot of different things including bookbinding, poetry, photography and collage. I told her about the War and Peace Project and invited her to make a collage for us. And we've spent the last few Saturdays together in my studio working in encaustic. Like most artists, it is fun to share materials. She brought me some very wonderful papers, much of it from Chinatown. So we spent about 4 hours in the studio today. It is a wonderful way to get to know each other, working side by side in the studio.

Barefoot walking meditation

It is warm enough now -- just barely -- to walk around outside barefoot. Mark had a fire going this morning so it's not exactly WARM. But close enough. It felt wonderful to do walking meditation barefoot!

We are having a lovely, quiet weekend up here on the hill. We went to the farmers market this morning and bought some herbs -- basil, parsley and rosemary. It's a little risky to put in such tenders now as it was in the 30's some nights last week. Mark put in the garden fence and adorned it with Tibetan prayer flags. It looks awesome. A long walk in the woods with puppy, planted beans, worked in the studio.

A few weeks ago I made a daring purchase -- a yellow string bikini! I haven't bought one in decades. So at age 50 (almost) I am enjoying my body more than I have in a really long time. I am OK with all the lumps and bumps and such that are part of the normal aging process -- but it certainly feels great to have sun on so much skin. I may not wear it in public but up here on the hill, who's to know!?

Going Strong at 82

My aunt asked me to take some photos of her yesterday morning. She is being honored in a few weeks for her role in starting the recycling center in Wellesley, Massachusetts 40 years ago. She was very worried about how to get photos taken, bio written and submitted to the newspaper by noon today. She was so impressed with my "technical" skills which is so funny because I am an absolute Luddite. She is quite a woman. I am really glad to be here. However...I love her dearly but they are right-wing Republicans and I've heard more Glenn Beck and conspiracy theories than I can stand. At dinner the conversation was how left-wing radicals are infilterating public high schools and the students are being trained to overthrow the government. And that Bank of America is going to go collapse June 1 so we'd all better get our money out now and buy gold -- or silver. All I can say is that we live in very different realities yet find a way to connect and enjoy each other.

She is sporting the Hare Krishna beads in this photo and loving them!

I ventured into cold water with Sasha in the kayak. For a lab, she is not a very impressive swimmer. She spends most of her energy trying to get into the kayak with me. Which she eventually does! She gets frantic in the water yet can't bear to wait on shore for me, so it is quite the scene with me trying to keep her out of the kayak and her insisting that where she really belongs is on my lap IN the kayak.

My aunt and I will take one more beach walk with the dog, then I'll drive back to Boston for a day with Team Tolstoy in the studio, attending my sister's book signing in late afternoon, then driving out West tonight. It's a dog's life.

"Fun Home"

This is a perfect image for today's blog. I just finished reading Alison
Bechdel's graphic novel entitled "Fun Home: a family tragicomedy". It is one of the most amazing books I have ever read. She is a "graphic" writer, meaning that it is written like a cartoon. It is her autobiography, recounting growing up in a small town in Pennsylvania. She comes out as a lesbian -- and learns that her father had many affairs with young men. Her parents have a very unhappy marriage. The family business is running a funeral home. She is so raw in the way she describes herself and everyone else. So honest. It is really fantastic.

And here I am, "home" with my aunt and uncle. In my dysfunctional American family! I drove to the Cape last night with Sasha. I haven't been here since Thanksgiving. My aunt waited up for me last night. I was delighted to see her. I brought her a gift -- malas that Mark bought in Bangalore a few months ago. 2 strands of clear glass beads. She loves them! I almost always wear a set and she has admired them in the past but never wanted to take mine, even though I offered. She said that all the other [wealthy white] women at the golf community in South Carolina are wearing the same thing. I said that they come from a Hare Krishna temple in Bangalore. She still seemed to like them!

On her reading table is a book called "Take Back America 2010" which is a right wing Republican thing. It can be treacherous if we venture into politics. So I try to avoid that topic at all costs. If we keep topics to the personal, we have a fantastic time together.

It is rainy, cloudy and cool. Perfect for walking on the beach with Sasha and making smoothies!

To Russia with Love

Here is the cemetery that I love so much out West. For some reason the town decided to clear out most of the trees to "make room" for new graves. I figure by the time I die, it will be all lush and grown in again.

This morning I received an email from Yasnaya Polyana, inviting Team Tolstoy to show our to-be-completed collage project in the summer of 2012. We are all totally elated. I have never done anything like this before -- to have a show at such a prestigious venue, so far away, and in a foreign language and culture. It is a bit daunting as it is thrilling. But then again, everything about this project has been like I-have-no-idea-what-the-f____-I'm-doing. Making it up as we go along. They would like the show to be up from June through September. In time for the Tolstoy family reunion. Mark and I are now considering taking a trip to Moscow this summer -- maybe with other Team Tolstoy members -- to check out the venue and get the lay of the land. We can't really wing it once we're there -- so we'll need to really plan all the logistics and supplies out well in advance.

My beloved aunt Marty turns 82 today. She is doing well. I will drive down to the Cape tomorrow after work to spend a few days with her. She loves it when I cook for her. I asked what she's interested in. Of all things, she is excited about smoothies. So I'll pack up Sasha and a cooler full of yogurt, juice and fruit and we'll have a fun time together. I am hoping to get in the kayak to take Sasha for a swim.

And to top it all of, I went to see Narayan tonight. It is such a blessing to sit in her presence.

11 Months Old

Today is Sasha's 11 month birthday. Lance, our dog trainer, took this photo last week, her "graduation" photo. He took us outside for our final "exams". She passed with flying colors! Look at how she is sitting patiently, in position! Note my brown coat. Mark says that everything I buy these days is chocolate brown.

We didn't do anything "special" for her today. Last night as we were unpacking from the weekend she somehow got out and made a beeline for the street. She saw a little kid and made a dash for her. Fortunately there was no car on the street so she was safe. It really scared me, the thought of her getting hurt or killed.

Other than that excitement, it was a regular Monday. The lilacs and crabtrees are all in bloom which makes me swoon with delight. I have a beautiful weeping cherry tree in the front yard which has a very short bloom -- about 2 weeks maximum. I was doing some weeding tonight and already the blossoms are fading and falling. Observing a weeping cherry tree is a good life lesson -- how quickly life goes!

Trail Running

This photo more or less captures the amazing green pastures out West. I took it around 10am when I met Karen to walk in the woods this morning. Just behind me is an old cemetery. Karen says that it has been re-opened for "business". The first time I drove by it, before we even bought the house, I thought -- that's where I want to be buried. I often take photos of this very spot. I love the open expanse of the hill and sky. Plots are $300 -- what a deal!

As we drove out Friday night, I was captivated by the beauty of the light -- the trees, the sky, the clouds. I was struck by the power of nature and how spring always comes. Renewal, regeneration. I could almost feel the pulse of the earth itself. And at that very moment I felt in touch with my own strong life force. Sometimes my sister asks me if I think I am going to live a long time. I usually don't have a sense of that, but Friday night I felt that I have much left to do in this life and that I am going to live a long time yet.We had a wonderful weekend, engaged in every sense.

Saturday I went for a long walk with Sasha, about 1.5 hours. For the first time in years, I got the urge to run on the trails. I wasn't able to go very long distances, but I ran until I got tired, walked a while, then started to run again. My body felt excellent -- no strain or instability in my spine or pelvis. I felt young and free. Sasha kept looking up at me -- what is this? we are moving much more quickly than usual.

My artwork is flying off the walls. Someone asked to buy another one of my big paintings this afternoon, and when I opened my email tonight, another friend wants to buy one of the large collages. This is all very exciting. This makes 3 large paintings in the space of just a few weeks. So affirming! I haven't been doing much painting the last few years because I'm out of storage space for the large ones, but this movement of old work will definitely inspire me to make new, large pieces.

Mark helped me with the vegetable gardens, and we planted some early season onion sets and seeds -- lettuce, spinach, beets and carrots. It was sunny and bright, enough for both of us to get sunburned. It felt good. It has been a long, hard winter so this spring is very much appreciated.