Today is my 15th anniversary. On August 25, 2008, I was in my office with a few other social workers at the clinic where I worked at the time. My cell phone rang, my PCP's name popped up. And like that, my life took a major turn. I had had a biopsy, and it was positive. (Why that language? Shouldn't it be that good news is positive?) I burst into tears. Gathered myself, and went on with the day.
I had dinner with Robin last night and was recounting those first few months. People often say, how do you live with it? How does the worry not consume you? I think it's a weird silver lining of having such a traumatic childhood. I learned to compartmentalize at a young age. I remember in graduate school, one of my professors said - "denial is under-rated". I have somehow had this capacity to do absolutely everything my medical team suggests. I have never missed an appointment, refused a procedure or even missed a medicaion dose (thank you I-Phone for the alarm feature).
Mostly I just feel grateful that 1) I'm alive and 2) barely impacted by cancer. I am on oral chemotherapy - twice a day for 2 weeks, then 1 week off. My insurance pays for it and my old hospital job has great benefits so it's delivered free-of-charge to my house. During the first two years of the pandemic it was delivered to Connecticut. Free-of-charge.
My life is different now. I left my hospital job after 23 years in 2021 and have a satisfying private practice. I've been with Glenn almost 10 years. My creative energy is going more into playing bluegrass guitar than making art, but I still enjoy studio time and continue to work in encaustic. I'm not doing distance road biking anymore, but have taken up golf and paddleboarding. We also just bought a 14 foot sailboat. In the winter it's snow shoes and back country skis. Sasha my beloved Englih lab is 13 and going pretty strong. She's really old for her breed. And Acadia is 3.5 now. Aunt Marty is 94 and still lives on her own and is quite vital. She walks every day and plays croquet. she continues to inspire me. The family is growing. My brother has 6 grand kids with 4 more on the way.
As Joe Walsh sang, "life's been good to me so far".
I took the photo this morning as I walked along the Muddy River and enjoyed the artwork by Studios Without Walls. With Acadia. In the pouring rain.
