After 6 years and 3 months, I can say that I have "beaten" metastatic breast cancer. Although I don't like that vocabulary -- such as "cancer assassin", "battle" or "fight". In any case, I had CT and bone scans as well as blood work and physical exam -- and remain free of any sign of cancer. I met with The Vixen and true to her word, she has agreed to let me go off all treatment! The only remaining treatment was the quarterly injection of Lupron which is a chemo drug that lowers estrogen levels. Since I'm now 53, most likely I would have transitioned fully into menopause at age 51. So the risk is fairly low that my hormones will activate again. She said that if the hot flashes continue, it's a good thing! So for the first time in 6+ years I love that feeling! Bring 'em on!
The plan is that I'll see her again in 3 months for blood work and physical exam. Then again in 6 months for more scans. If there is trouble ahead, she will figure out what to do at that point. She says that since my case is so highly unusual, there is not a lot of precedent for what to do. She often uses the term "the tail of the curve". There was another oncologist in the room with her -- there often is a student or another post-doc or whatever -- and they talked between themselves in front of me about what to do. The Vixen was saying that I might be anxious if xyz... but then realized that it was her anxiety, not mine. I am sure that I am well and that for whatever reason(s), I am healed.
Healed. Cured. That led to another discussion that is confusing. I was under the impression that 5+ years cancer-free is a good predictor of low chance of recurrence. The more time that passes, the less likely a recurrence. She said, no, not in my case. That is true for "normal" cancer, not metastatic. In fact, the more time that passes, the more likely my disease will "progress". I don't know what that means, how to interpret that. Of course, neither does she, really. I think she does not want me to be shocked if something turns up again. She said I need to be psychologically prepared for bone breakage as that's the most likely thing to happen. Or cancer could present in another organ -- lung or liver would be the other likely place.
So... I said that I am going to live as if I am truly cured -- and I am certainly healed. Cured = no disease. Healed = living fully and happily.
I am prepared for come what may. But will deal with it as need be.
In the meantime!!!
To celebrate, I bought a bottle of good champagne and toasted with vintage parfait glasses. I quit drinking in 2000 so don't even have wine glasses anymore, much less champagne flutes. But it was an amazing day and the end of this part of my life.
Over the years I have been encouraged by friends and blog readers to write a book about this experience. Maybe I will. I don't know. But for now I am going to close this blog along with this chapter of my life. I have never re-read any of these entries. I have kept a diary since age 10 and I never, never go back to review them. But now I will -- I have started to re-read my oldest diaries and will eventually make my way forward in time to review this blog. Depending on what I find -- perhaps I will be inspired to take on a writing project. Or not. Maybe this will stand alone as a witness to my own personal journey that is singular -- or is it?
The plan is that I'll see her again in 3 months for blood work and physical exam. Then again in 6 months for more scans. If there is trouble ahead, she will figure out what to do at that point. She says that since my case is so highly unusual, there is not a lot of precedent for what to do. She often uses the term "the tail of the curve". There was another oncologist in the room with her -- there often is a student or another post-doc or whatever -- and they talked between themselves in front of me about what to do. The Vixen was saying that I might be anxious if xyz... but then realized that it was her anxiety, not mine. I am sure that I am well and that for whatever reason(s), I am healed.
Healed. Cured. That led to another discussion that is confusing. I was under the impression that 5+ years cancer-free is a good predictor of low chance of recurrence. The more time that passes, the less likely a recurrence. She said, no, not in my case. That is true for "normal" cancer, not metastatic. In fact, the more time that passes, the more likely my disease will "progress". I don't know what that means, how to interpret that. Of course, neither does she, really. I think she does not want me to be shocked if something turns up again. She said I need to be psychologically prepared for bone breakage as that's the most likely thing to happen. Or cancer could present in another organ -- lung or liver would be the other likely place.
So... I said that I am going to live as if I am truly cured -- and I am certainly healed. Cured = no disease. Healed = living fully and happily.
I am prepared for come what may. But will deal with it as need be.
In the meantime!!!
To celebrate, I bought a bottle of good champagne and toasted with vintage parfait glasses. I quit drinking in 2000 so don't even have wine glasses anymore, much less champagne flutes. But it was an amazing day and the end of this part of my life.
Over the years I have been encouraged by friends and blog readers to write a book about this experience. Maybe I will. I don't know. But for now I am going to close this blog along with this chapter of my life. I have never re-read any of these entries. I have kept a diary since age 10 and I never, never go back to review them. But now I will -- I have started to re-read my oldest diaries and will eventually make my way forward in time to review this blog. Depending on what I find -- perhaps I will be inspired to take on a writing project. Or not. Maybe this will stand alone as a witness to my own personal journey that is singular -- or is it?
