30 Months

I took this picture while walking last Saturday. Our little town out West reminds me so much of the rolling hills of northwest Iowa where I grew up. I have a thing for old barns.

I am glad that my work week is over. This is probably the most stressful work week ever. So many emergencies, so many terrible situations. I worked through every lunch and stayed late every night. No lunch with Lucy. Really, no fun at all. The only good part was commuting on my bike a few days. We have a new medical director and clinical manager. Together we are going to re-think my job because it feels just impossible. I am a good worker, I really focus and am quite a workhorse. I just can't get it done.

Ah, studio time....

I have been thinking about the article in the NY Times. I keep thinking specifically about the statistic: the average length of life after diagnosis with stage 4 metastasized breast cancer is 30 months. Statistically I will be dead in 9 months. It is so weird to ponder that. I feel excellent, considering the treatments I've had. I can't seem to stop thinking about that statistic. That's why I don't like to read about this disease -- it is upsetting! It's sobering. I think -- is this really how I want to spend my time? All wound up and anxious about situations at my job? No matter how hard I work, there is more suffering walking in the door.

Tonight I had dinner with Allison. We haven't met for some months. She has 2 young kids and a career as a psychologist. I so appreciate when friends with kids make the effort to get together. No matter how much time goes by, we can quickly get back in sync and re-connect. Sushi, one of my favorites.

My husband Mark has signed up for the Avon Walk which I am happy about. He will join Kelsey and I in San Francisco in July. He may arrive a few days after we do. I actually feel more comfortable attempting to do the full walk if he is there, too. He really keeps an eye on me. He always has. He is a steady, loving presence.