Monday, April 27, 2009

23 of 33

Mark took this picture this morning with the new camera. It's my morning perch with the forsythia and weeping cherry tree both in full bloom. They overlap in their full splendor for just a few days and we wanted to capture the image this year.

Just 10 more treatments... the end feels in sight. The last 5 will be "boosters", just on the scar. I'll switch to a different machine for that. Wednesday I'll see the Vixen for my monthly appointment.

I'm in an interesting space mentally/spiritually. I feel very happy most of the time. Happy isn't exactly the right word. Peaceful. Extremely peaceful. Everything that happens is fine. Even seeing a young girl walking into the Dana Farber this morning, very skinny with a mask. She must have been about 10 years old. I felt for her, I wish it could be different, but it's not. I felt enormous empathy but not anger. The last weeks have been wonderful. It's hard to describe but basically I am in love with everything. I experience pleasure most of the time. Visually my senses are very sharp, music sounds great, the air smells of spring. I have never been happier in my life. And it's just the little things, really. Nothing extraordinary is happening other than how I experience things. I go to treatment, I go to work, I work in the gardens and studio. It's like this: having experienced bliss states where I feel this expanding sense of love and connection, it's always available to me. I know how to re-connect with it. It makes me feel very blessed. Once I understand it better, I feel that it is an amazing gift that must be shared.

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