The Ghostwriter

I am going to see the new Roman Polansky film tonight, "Ghostwriter". Mark says that it's too heavy and disturbing, based on the trailers that we recently saw. I somehow like those dark and intense films.

My body is not feeling so great. I feel so stiff and rather fragile. I am careful of how I move and try to avoid impact. This morning Mark was helping as I did yoga practice, trying to keep me aligned in various poses. Everything is "off kilter", probably the result of radiation to my right chest and hip last year. He makes the smallest adjustment, and it's a whole different sensation. It's helpful to have his help as I sometimes can't tell when I'm not aligned.

I was chatting with a colleague at work at the end of the day. I should know better than to discuss anything about my health with her. This interaction has happened multiple times and I always end up feeling some combination of invalidated and defensive. She is a medical provider [does not read this blog]. I mentioned that my body feels weird, she tells me that we all get old and she has aches and pains too. She went on to describe how the quality of her skin is different and such. It is unbelievable the stupid things that people say sometimes. As if normal aging and having metastatic cancer are the same thing. She also suggested that maybe I don't feel good because it's all in my head, that my scans have been clean and that I shouldn't worry about the cancer in the bones. Then it's about how everyone's body eventually breaks down, how we all get sick and die. Really, I don't need a lecture! She finished up by saying that illness is the best teacher, to help us understand why we were born into this karma. Easy words to say but different if it's what you live every day. I really hate being lectured to about what I am experiencing. Maddening. It also really irritates me when people talk about "the Buddhist perspective" when they haven't studied or practiced. That whole New Age thing. Ugh.

Lesson: be mindful of who you talk with!