2012

photo by Trish Crapo

Trish took this photo of us in mid-October. She is photographing all the residents of our little hamlet out West to produce a book of portraits. The latest census shows that there are 701 of us. I love this photograph. We are in our garden out West. And there is Sasha, all grown up. Sasha knows Trish very well and posed nicely for her! She really captures "us". Directly behind us is our strawberry patch, a 50th birthday gift from Lucy. I was dressed in a completely haphazard way which is kind of nice in it's own way -- very casual and spontaneous.

So now it's a new year. I have been thinking about my "bucket list". Is that a term that is commonly used? I just heard it recently from two friends, both of whom live with serious chronic illness. It's your wish list for what you'd like to do/accomplish.

I have decided to stay in my job, at least for now. Mark's company has switched to a health insurance plan that really won't work for me. The insurance through my job is fantastic. It even pays for a breast prosthetic every year -- which runs about $350. Since I've decided to stay, it has been a lot better. Funny how that works. I have always wanted to be "of service" and this job certainly provides that. Today I had sessions with Americans, Brazilians and a Guatemalan. My Spanish is OK, good enough to do an interview to determine a family's needs. I would never do therapy in Spanish -- but is it fine to do assessments. So that is very satisfying.

The last 8 weeks I have been consumed with preparing for my show at Galatea Fine Art in Boston. The opening is Friday. I have never worked so hard in my life. A while ago I was talking to my sister about "flow" states (she is a sports psychologist and very interested in positive psychology). She said that you can definitely have too much "flow". I asked -- how can you possibly have too much of that? She said that if someone is in flow so much that they neglect other aspects of their life, that it can be a problem. I can attest to that! I am totally burnt out on studio time. I am very happy with what I was able to get done, but I paid a price. I have been sick for the last week and totally exhausted. I saw my sister last night and she told me that I look awful. Oh well. I will never do this again, making so much art on a tight deadline, but it is beautiful and I am happy with it.

I have missed doing this blog!

Sasha is doing great. The vet suggested a consultation with an orthopedic surgeon but at the last minute I decided to ask Lance, her trainer (we took 6 months of obedience classes with him -- to train us!), what we should do. He said that she was way too fat. He said to cut her food back by 75% and see how she did once she was slimmed down. She objected at first! She drove us crazy, licking everything, searching relentlessly for food. But after a few weeks she adjusted to her short rations. I took her back to see him a few weeks ago and he said she is still too fat. And guess what? Her knee problem has totally abated. She is totally fine with no sign of a limp or favoring her right back leg. So that is a lesson learned: get a second opinion!

I get scanned a week from today. I have been feeling excellent -- other than struggling with the Christmas thing. That's another story. It is impossible to really prepare psychologically. I guess I kind of hope for the best and plan for the worst. That sums it up. In the meantime I'm planning how I want to best use my time.

I have signed up for a 4 day residential meditation retreat at Insight Meditation Society in Barre, Massachusetts. I have never done a silent residential retreat before so it's a big deal. It starts the 13th, 2 days after the scans. Mark says that either way it's a good thing -- whether the test results are good or not. I do not know the teachers and am not going with anyone. It feels right to take this on now. It will be focused on metta, the practice I'm doing for almost 4 years now. They also offer daily yoga AND I can get continuing education credits for my job. And my job will pay for it! How great is that?

Christmas was a struggle -- it always is. Mark and I bought our first tree and he bought me a bunch of ornaments -- including a chocolate lab! I did my gift-a-day for the whole month and that felt really good. I think it was the 3rd year in a row of doing that. It is the best way I know to work with the difficult feelings and memories that arise around the holidays.

I will post next Wednesday -- stay tuned! Please send some prayers and blessings this way!