Hand-picked by The Vixen

Here is a photo of Kande and Allison that I took last night. Allison is a psychologist and asked who I was seeing today. It turns out that she knows Karen who was her dissertation advisor. Allison said that I would really like her. And how right she was!

I went to see Karen this morning. It is very humbling to be on the opposite side of the chair. I felt quite nervous. What would she think? Would she pathologize me? How much did she already know? It was a very positive encounter. She was a calm, soothing presence. She asked just a few questions but basically just let me talk. I described the cancer story end-to-end. How much I trust The Vixen. All of that. Basically her take is that the anxiety that sometimes grips me can be ameliorated. That a few sessions with her might be very helpful. That I've done a lot of work already but can use some support now. But that it is a totally normal response. I have always wanted to be "strong" and don't expose my vulnerabilities too readily. (That's pretty funny considering how much I expose myself on this blog.) I don't like to acknowledge how terrifying all of this is. I tend to live on the "bright side" and to ignore the thoughts and feelings as they arise. I cried a surprising amount and felt relieved afterwards. I need to acknowledge the grief more. To hold the light and darkness more in balance. I will see her in a week and then we'll see. I'm so glad that I went. The Vixen was right, again.

My sister brought Zoey over at mid-day for lunch, then I took her to the studio with me. She worked on a collage while I touched up 2 paintings that will hopefully be sold to the health center through the art consultant. She is a great little companion. Very smart and chatty. It is amazing what she remembers. She is a little sponge.

And tonight my old buddy Maureen will stay with us. We met our first year out of college and are part of a large circle of mutual girlfriends.

I am feeling good again.